Joined: Jan 12, 2008
Posts: 4412
Location: Moonbase Alpha
Posted:
Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:08 pm
The Briar Root Association of The American States of Solidity, or B.R.A.T.A.S.S. is currently seeking new members.
We are looking for highly qualified and experienced smokers/individuals who share a vision of a world free from the shackles of blindness and ignorance that corn cob pipes ruthlessly bestow upon the lesser pipe-men, and envision a world free from the chains of weakness that bind corn cob pipe smokers. Also, members of B.R.A.T.A.S.S share varying degrees of dislike or even hatred for aromatic tobaccos, and seek to rid the planet of such tobaccos.(Please note, not all aromatics will be excluded, for questions on aromatics, please see list of B.R.A.T.A.S.S. "approved" scented tobaccos)
Qualifications and standards for membership are tough to meet, but by insisting upon such high marks, we will be assured superior membership and at the same time the weak and the cowardly are weeded out.
A short list of qualifications for B.R.A.T.A.S.S. membership is as follows. Please Note: Be advised this is only a small list, you will see the complete list after qualifying the first round.
Round 1.
1) Candidates must have a sincere aversion to cobs.
2) Candidates must display a sense of loyalty to Briar, meerschaum, meerschaum lined gourds, and clay.
3) Candidates must be willing and able to defend the smoking qualities of Briar, meerschaum, meerschaum lined gourds and clay.
4) Candidates should be physically as well as mentally fit, skilled in one or more of the fighting arts, and be readily prepared at all times, and at a moments notice, be ready to do battle with our sworn enemy, The Cobunists.
5) Candidates will be fierce, fearless and cunning warriors.
6) Candidates, while being fierce, must also at the same time remember to hate only the cob and not necessarily the cob smoker himself. (B.R.A.T.A.S.S. maintains that there is always hope)
7) Candidates must have a sincere aversion to the foul aromatics the Cobunist's smoke in their filthy cobs.
8 ) Candidates must work and earn their keep, and not rely upon handouts or false promises, like the Cobfather gives to his blind followers.
9) Candidates will bow to no man, will think for themselves, but at the same time be willing to fight for each other and be loyal to the Tenets of B.R.A.T.A.S.S.
10) Candidates will work to educate the beginning pipe smoker and the public at large about the terrible smoking qualities of the cob.
Our numbers are small, be we are strong, if you believe you have what it takes to be a member of our proud association please stand and join the fight against the cobunist's and their twisted ignorant ways.
Good luck and Godspeed.
Zed Member of the JB Fan Club
Joined: Jun 26, 2006
Posts: 5850
Location: Greenwood, MO
Posted:
Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:19 pm
sounds like militant fascism to me.
YEAH COBS
The Cobunist Party is the party of freedom, and liberty.
_________________ "He that would give up a little bit of liberty for a little bit of personal safety, deserves neither liberty nor safety" --Benjamin Franklin
What if I like smoking aromatics in my cobs? Does that double-negative cancel the two misjudgments?
colton Peewaddlin Squatdrop
Joined: Aug 01, 2007
Posts: 4837
Location: Springfield, MO
Posted:
Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:23 pm
TNLawPiper wrote:
What if I like smoking aromatics in my cobs? Does that double-negative cancel the two misjudgments?
Yeah, if we can agree that cobs may be reserved for high-risk situations, like smoking aromatics and fishing, then I'm in.
Zed Member of the JB Fan Club
Joined: Jun 26, 2006
Posts: 5850
Location: Greenwood, MO
Posted:
Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:35 pm
I think all of us cobbers should join and then change it from within.
_________________ "He that would give up a little bit of liberty for a little bit of personal safety, deserves neither liberty nor safety" --Benjamin Franklin
Preacherman Brother of the Briar
Joined: Jul 28, 2006
Posts: 7169
Location: Truth is - I'm a 'REAL Baptist' no matter where I am!!!!!!!
Posted:
Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:37 pm
Dear Zed, eat more cheese...
_________________
"Give a man an open Bible, an open mind, a conscience in good working order, and he will have a hard time to keep from being a Baptist."
ATR ~
click THE GOSPEL
Jocose Mr. Bumble Head
Joined: Jan 12, 2008
Posts: 4412
Location: Moonbase Alpha
Posted:
Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:39 pm
TNLawPiper wrote:
What if I like smoking aromatics in my cobs? Does that double-negative cancel the two misjudgments?
What if I like smoking aromatics in my cobs? Does that double-negative cancel the two misjudgments?
Yeah, if we can agree that cobs may be reserved for high-risk situations, like smoking aromatics and fishing, then I'm in.
Because when it comes down to it, maintaining briar integrity is what's most important. Should potential BRATASS members have a lapse in judgment, the briar should be upheld.
Zed Member of the JB Fan Club
Joined: Jun 26, 2006
Posts: 5850
Location: Greenwood, MO
Posted:
Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:39 pm
good point preach, what if we smoke cheese in the cobs and blow that smoke into a briar. then can we join?
_________________ "He that would give up a little bit of liberty for a little bit of personal safety, deserves neither liberty nor safety" --Benjamin Franklin
Jocose Mr. Bumble Head
Joined: Jan 12, 2008
Posts: 4412
Location: Moonbase Alpha
Posted:
Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:41 pm
colton wrote:
TNLawPiper wrote:
What if I like smoking aromatics in my cobs? Does that double-negative cancel the two misjudgments?
Yeah, if we can agree that cobs may be reserved for high-risk situations, like smoking aromatics and fishing, then I'm in.
Dear Colton, Thank you for your interest. Please refer to #1, sorry, you are not who we are looking for.
Jocose Mr. Bumble Head
Joined: Jan 12, 2008
Posts: 4412
Location: Moonbase Alpha
Posted:
Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:42 pm
TNLawPiper wrote:
colton wrote:
TNLawPiper wrote:
What if I like smoking aromatics in my cobs? Does that double-negative cancel the two misjudgments?
Yeah, if we can agree that cobs may be reserved for high-risk situations, like smoking aromatics and fishing, then I'm in.
Because when it comes down to it, maintaining briar integrity is what's most important. Should potential BRATASS members have a lapse in judgment, the briar should be upheld.
You have shown a serious lapse in judgement already.
Jocose Mr. Bumble Head
Joined: Jan 12, 2008
Posts: 4412
Location: Moonbase Alpha
Posted:
Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:43 pm
Zed wrote:
I think all of us cobbers should join and then change it from within.
I will continue to remain neutral. If another cobbunist or briarite comes to my door to spread the word, they'll be picking meerschaum out of their faces for a month!
Zed Member of the JB Fan Club
Joined: Jun 26, 2006
Posts: 5850
Location: Greenwood, MO
Posted:
Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:47 pm
It appears that this new organization discriminats against people. I would like to remind you of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 whichs prevents this type of illegal practice. I insist you cease and disist before I am forced to contact the ACLU for further action.
_________________ "He that would give up a little bit of liberty for a little bit of personal safety, deserves neither liberty nor safety" --Benjamin Franklin
Jocose Mr. Bumble Head
Joined: Jan 12, 2008
Posts: 4412
Location: Moonbase Alpha
Posted:
Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:48 pm
TNLawPiper wrote:
I will continue to remain neutral. If another cobbunist or briarite comes to my door to spread the word, they'll be picking meerschaum out of their faces for a month!
You know what happens to the lukewarm? As far as assaulting a member of B.R.A.T.A.S.S., be assured, we will strike first.
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