Tell Jesus Claus What You Want for Me-mas

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
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Rusty
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Post by Rusty » Fri Dec 27, 2013 2:55 am

gravel wrote::wavey: Hello NSA!
Hello CPS. We are watching you.

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Post by Rusty » Fri Dec 27, 2013 12:20 pm

On the eleventh day of Me-mas Jesus Claus failed to bring for me
eleven perfect numbers,
ten replacement buttons,
nine more lives,
eight days of physics, faith, & friendship in Phoenix for DL,
seven raptor recipes,
six safe houses,
Five-Sigma evidence concerning God's existence,
four piece lingerie set,
three wishes,
two pounds of plutonium,
and a button-challenged beauty.

...

Alright who trashed the beloved Me-mas thread with bomb debris and who the devil invited the NSA?

No parcels in the yard today. But we were awoken early by a call from poor DL who also woke up early in the arms of some guy named Julio in Tijuana. DL said he was "getting physical". Hayzeus! What are you thinking?

So where are the recipes, and when do we find out about the safe houses?

The debacle concerning the lingerie continues. Today she noticed that it's in her size. This is going to get worse.

® Rusty Production
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Post by Monarchist » Sat Dec 28, 2013 10:53 pm

NSA? 8O

:idea:

Uhhh... just for the record, I inadvertently obtained my nuc info while trying to invent a self lighting pipe that would stay lit. Yeah! That's it! :yes:
"Never say that God is just. If He were just you would be in hell. Rely only on His injustice which is mercy, love, and forgiveness." - St. Isaac the Syrian

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Post by Monarchist » Sat Dec 28, 2013 11:06 pm

Tritium is an important component in nuclear weapons. It is used to enhance the efficiency and yield of fission bombs and the fission stages of hydrogen bombs in a process known as "boosting" as well as in external neutron initiators for such weapons.

Ha! as I thought. You may not need tritium for a Fat Man, but it can sure enhance the yield.
"Never say that God is just. If He were just you would be in hell. Rely only on His injustice which is mercy, love, and forgiveness." - St. Isaac the Syrian

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Re: Tell Jesus Claus What You Want for Me-mas

Post by Jocose » Fri Dec 19, 2014 1:15 am

Something good.
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS

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Re: Tell Jesus Claus What You Want for Me-mas

Post by tarheel7734 » Fri Dec 19, 2014 2:22 am

I want a Dunhill Amber Root 5108, but I would accept it in Bruyere or Chestnut.
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Re: Tell Jesus Claus What You Want for Me-mas

Post by JesusClaus » Mon Dec 22, 2014 10:16 am

Jocose wrote:Something good.
Let's see, are you scheduled for poo or pho? I'll check with shipping.
Oh, you better watch out, you better not sin....

But I am puzzled by the reaction to this thread. Jesus Claus and his Me-mas is genius. Pure genius. - Rusty

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Re: Tell Jesus Claus What You Want for Me-mas

Post by JesusClaus » Mon Dec 22, 2014 10:17 am

tarheel7734 wrote:I want a Dunhill Amber Root 5108, but I would accept it in Bruyere or Chestnut.
Image
Image
Image

Oh, so close. You forgot to phrase your request in the form of a question.

Poo for you!
Oh, you better watch out, you better not sin....

But I am puzzled by the reaction to this thread. Jesus Claus and his Me-mas is genius. Pure genius. - Rusty

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Re: Tell Jesus Claus What You Want for Me-mas

Post by tarheel7734 » Mon Dec 22, 2014 10:47 am

JesusClaus wrote:
tarheel7734 wrote:I want a Dunhill Amber Root 5108, but I would accept it in Bruyere or Chestnut.
Image
Image
Image

Oh, so close. You forgot to phrase your request in the form of a question.

Poo for you!
Thats a shame. It would have made me eternally grateful.

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Re: Tell Jesus Claus What You Want for Me-mas

Post by coco » Mon Dec 22, 2014 10:55 am

Update: I still don't believe in JesusClaus.
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Re: Tell Jesus Claus What You Want for Me-mas

Post by jruegg » Mon Dec 22, 2014 10:58 am

World Peace.
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Re: Tell Jesus Claus What You Want for Me-mas

Post by Rusty » Mon Dec 22, 2014 11:08 am

tarheel7734 wrote:
JesusClaus wrote:
tarheel7734 wrote:I want a Dunhill Amber Root 5108, but I would accept it in Bruyere or Chestnut.

Oh, so close. You forgot to phrase your request in the form of a question.

Poo for you!
Thats a shame. It would have made me eternally grateful.
Be warned. Use extreme caution dealing with him:
1) He provides no status updates on delivery at all, even when one goes to war over it,
2) He is a master of the old Jedi mind trick - "This isn't the shape you want."
3) He misinterprets everything.

I asked for a lovely button-challenged beauty and he sends me an 80 yo woman with palsy.
We've now implemented an automated watch on your activities to make sure #2 doesn't suddenly become active.
The minute you reach for JMG's Ben Wade's or any other Danish horror an automated process will re-boot your brain. Unfortunately, you'll remember nothing of your former life but you can thank us later... "it's just like starting over" - John Lennon

BTW Hayzeus, I'm getting some heavy queries from the Air Defense Forces of the world asking whether last years "fun exercise with the suicidal demented Santa drone" will be repeated. Apparently it was a real hit. Whaddya say?
Last edited by Rusty on Mon Dec 22, 2014 11:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Tell Jesus Claus What You Want for Me-mas

Post by gravel » Mon Dec 22, 2014 11:19 am

Raptor poo

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Re: Tell Jesus Claus What You Want for Me-mas

Post by JesusClaus » Tue Sep 22, 2015 2:40 pm

Oh, you better watch out, you better not sin....
Oh, you better watch out, you better not sin....

But I am puzzled by the reaction to this thread. Jesus Claus and his Me-mas is genius. Pure genius. - Rusty

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Re: Tell Jesus Claus What You Want for Me-mas

Post by Rusty » Tue Sep 22, 2015 3:39 pm

JesusClaus wrote:Oh, you better watch out, you better not sin....
It's normal for people to sin. The absence of sin probably occurs coincidence with absence of life. So when people claim that death is only the beginning they may be incorrect when it comes to sin. But in any case your warning is bit late for this year. Are sins uniformly distributed or do they have some odd distribution with respect to date/time? I suspect it's probably uniform with brief periods of good behaviour after particularly vile stuff that may cause some consternation or embarrassment. However, it might be that the search for someone to blame completely removes any sin-holiday. If so then roughly 3/4 of the whole year's sins have already occurred. The most you can do is avert the remaining 25%. But these are people. It's like asking them to pretend that they're dead. Hmmmm....
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Re: Tell Jesus Claus What You Want for Me-mas

Post by John-Boy » Thu Nov 19, 2015 12:20 pm

JesusClaus wrote:Well? What do you want for Me-mas? Don't be shy.

Oh, and Rusty? I got your note. Are you sure you still want Del's first kilt?

Merry Me-mas!
A ninja blender.
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Re: Tell Jesus Claus What You Want for Me-mas

Post by JesusClaus » Wed Dec 02, 2015 4:18 pm

John-Boy wrote:
JesusClaus wrote:Well? What do you want for Me-mas? Don't be shy.

Oh, and Rusty? I got your note. Are you sure you still want Del's first kilt?

Merry Me-mas!
A ninja blender.
Would you like a GiantNinja Blender?

That's some poo for you!
Oh, you better watch out, you better not sin....

But I am puzzled by the reaction to this thread. Jesus Claus and his Me-mas is genius. Pure genius. - Rusty

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Re: Tell Jesus Claus What You Want for Me-mas

Post by Jocose » Wed Dec 02, 2015 5:04 pm

Jocose wrote:Something good.
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS

I've crossed the Bosphorus.

I'm what some CPS'ers have called "Worse than advertised"

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Re:

Post by FredS » Wed Dec 02, 2015 5:04 pm

Monarchist wrote:Rusty - if you get the plutonium, see if you can scare up some tritium and a decent machine shop. I promise we'll have fun. No smoking inside the shop though.
I like it when old threads with posts from Mon come 'round. The dude was smart and his humor was pretty high brow, but he got down in the mud with me every once in a while.
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Re: Tell Jesus Claus What You Want for Me-mas

Post by coco » Wed Dec 02, 2015 5:06 pm

JesusClaus wrote:
John-Boy wrote:
JesusClaus wrote:Well? What do you want for Me-mas? Don't be shy.

Oh, and Rusty? I got your note. Are you sure you still want Del's first kilt?

Merry Me-mas!
A ninja blender.
Would you like a GiantNinja Blender?

That's some poo for you!
The answer to that age-old question: Will JesusClaus blend?
"Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a cob with a forever lucite stem." (Pipverbs 1:1)
"No more signatures that quote other CPS members." - Thunk

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