Joke for the day---

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
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Hovannes
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Joke for the day---

Post by Hovannes » Sat Jan 11, 2014 4:20 pm

An 80 year old man buys a brand new red Corvette and is cruising down the highway at 80 mph and notices a state trooper with the lights on. He accelerates to 120 and the state trooper is staying on his tail so decides he better pull over.

The state trooper says "I get off in half an hour. If you can give me a really good reason why you were going 120 mph I might let you off."

The man replies "My wife ran off with state trooper and I thought you were bringing her back!"

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Sir Moose
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Re: Joke for the day---

Post by Sir Moose » Tue Jan 16, 2018 1:56 am

Oh....I get it.

:lol:
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

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Re: Joke for the day---

Post by Irish-Dane » Tue Jan 16, 2018 7:19 am

Why did the pastry chef hire a pitcher?

Because he knew how to handle the batter.
It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. --Colton

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Hovannes
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Re: Joke for the day---

Post by Hovannes » Tue Jan 30, 2018 9:08 am

What do you call Rasputin playing the piano?
Felonious Monk

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Re: Joke for the day---

Post by Hovannes » Thu Feb 01, 2018 12:52 pm

Why is being a sheep rancher so frustrating?
Every time you take inventory you fall asleep.

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Re: Joke for the day---

Post by rgcurrey » Thu Feb 01, 2018 2:03 pm

I love this one as my kids think it is the worse joke:

What's red and bad for your mouth?

A brick.

:headwall:
Well I got a job and tried to put my money away
But I got debts that no honest man can pay - B. Springsteen

And he said to the man,
"Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom,
and to turn away from evil is understanding." - Job 28:28

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Re: Joke for the day---

Post by MrPiper » Thu Feb 01, 2018 4:24 pm

Last week the power was out and it was freezing in our house! We all had to stand in the corners...

That's the only place it's always 90 degrees

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Re: Joke for the day---

Post by MrPiper » Thu Feb 01, 2018 4:26 pm

What do you call a long legged cow?

High Stakes

What do you call a cow with two short legs?

Lean Beef

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn't matter. He wont come anyway.

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Sir Moose
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Re: Joke for the day---

Post by Sir Moose » Thu Feb 01, 2018 9:27 pm

MrPiper wrote:
Thu Feb 01, 2018 4:26 pm
What do you call a long legged cow?

High Stakes

What do you call a cow with two short legs?

Lean Beef

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn't matter. He wont come anyway.
What do you call a cow with two legs?

Your Mom!
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

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Re: Joke for the day---

Post by MrPiper » Fri Feb 02, 2018 5:14 pm

Um... that wasn't very nice?

Especially from a man whos'e mother is obviously a moose.

Moving along...

Why is it so hard to be a sheep farmer?

When you take inventory you always fall asleep.

Why are there no poker games in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

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Re: Joke for the day---

Post by Sir Moose » Fri Feb 02, 2018 9:03 pm

MrPiper wrote:Um... that wasn't very nice?

Especially from a man whos'e mother is obviously a moose.
I had that coming (and the original response as well). I apologize if it came across as if it were directed at you and your Mom—I just meant it as a generic ‘yer Mom’ joke.

And now, back to the funnies....



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In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

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Re: Joke for the day---

Post by JudgeRusty » Fri Feb 02, 2018 9:10 pm

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Right where you left him.
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal

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Re: Joke for the day---

Post by MrPiper » Fri Feb 02, 2018 9:38 pm

Sir Moose wrote:
Fri Feb 02, 2018 9:03 pm
MrPiper wrote:Um... that wasn't very nice?

Especially from a man whos'e mother is obviously a moose.
I had that coming (and the original response as well). I apologize if it came across as if it were directed at you and your Mom—I just meant it as a generic ‘yer Mom’ joke.

And now, back to the funnies....



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No offense taken Moose. It's the youth room. Believe it or not, I was trying to be funny. That's why I redacted the original response. It was not funny at all. Embarrasing really.

Did you know the toothbrush was invented right here in the south?

If it had been invented anywhere else it would have been called the TEETH brush.

If Apple makes a self driving car, will it have Windows?

and finally, in memorial to our friend Rusty:

Never trust atoms... they make up everything.

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Re: Joke for the day---

Post by Del » Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:52 pm

A group of elder Jewish men had a habit of meeting at the park for morning coffee.

Three of them arrived at the usual time.... One sat down in his customary spot and said, "Oy veh." :(

The second took his seat and said, "Oy gevalt." :(

The third sat down and said, "Enough about the kids already! Let's talk about something else."
"Utter frogshit from start to finish." - Onyx

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." - Eph 4

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Hovannes
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Re: Joke for the day---

Post by Hovannes » Sat Feb 03, 2018 7:13 pm

Del wrote:
Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:52 pm
A group of elder Jewish men had a habit of meeting at the park for morning coffee.

Three of them arrived at the usual time.... One sat down in his customary spot and said, "Oy veh." :(

The second took his seat and said, "Oy gevalt." :(

The third sat down and said, "Enough about the kids already! Let's talk about something else."
:rotfl:

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Re: Joke for the day---

Post by John-Boy » Tue Feb 06, 2018 2:51 pm

JudgeRusty wrote:
Fri Feb 02, 2018 9:10 pm
Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Right where you left him.
What do you do with a dog with no legs?

Take him for a drag.
Praying - coco
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Yer mom is kindhearted and well respected in her community - JMG

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Re: Joke for the day---

Post by John-Boy » Tue Feb 06, 2018 2:51 pm

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.
Praying - coco
Sometimes memes can be helpful as well as humorous - Jocose
Yer mom is kindhearted and well respected in her community - JMG

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