A Brief History of CPS Time

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
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UncleBob
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A Brief History of CPS Time

Post by UncleBob » Tue Mar 04, 2014 11:46 am

Phase 1: The Origin of CPS

In the beginning was the Yahoo group. And the Yahoo group was fun and cool and all that but the group as a whole was nebulous and without form. And tonymccallie moved upon the face of the Intertubes and said, "Let there be server space for our forum" and so a MasterCard was produced, and it was done. And this was the first day.

Then tonymccallie said, "What shall we call our forum? Shall it be a .com, .net, or .org?" And so again the MasterCard was produced and all three domains were purchased. And the forum rejoiced because they had not yet known John-boy. And this was the second day.

Then tonymccallie rolled up his sleeves and began to divide the electrons from one another. He said, "Let us use this forum software available on this server. And let us set the administrative password. And let us do all these other pain-in-the-ass forum software settings so that one day Pepik will need to chase down debug notices to our great amusement." And so it was done, and this was the third day.

Then tonymccallie said, "Let us post on the Yahoo group that we have this forum. And let us post it openly and without reserve so that all good-hearted Christian folk who smoke pipes can come and squabble about meaningless crap like whether skirts are kilts and whether Jocose is a sock puppet. And so it was done, and that was the fourth day.

Now on the fifth day, people started sending profile requests and it was good. And you can see the chosen as they entered in HERE. And it was good until ArtGuy entered and refused to share his Texts with Dog. Now tonymccallie was troubled because first there was John-boy and now ArtGuy. He just knew that the would be a isaac someday, and his knees nearly failed him. And this was the fifth day.

Now on the six day tonymccallie knew that ArtGuy had already entered CPS and property values were sure to go down. So he said, "Hey Munkey!" And Munkey said, "Yeah?" And tonymccallie emailed his administrative powers to Munkey and did said, "HA! No take-backs!" and he did disappear into the aether of the Intertubes. And now that was the sixth day and Munkey was screwed--and he knew it. So he took the next day off with a case of tequila and that is pretty much how CPS came into being.

Next installment: Paradise by the Monitor Light
"One man's theology is another man's belly laugh." - Robert A. Heinlein

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Post by infidel » Tue Mar 04, 2014 11:56 am

So, are these, like, six literal days, or is it more of a day-age thing?
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Post by Gabriel » Tue Mar 04, 2014 12:01 pm

Library? :D
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Post by SmokinGordon » Tue Mar 04, 2014 1:24 pm

Over how many millions of years did this happen? And did CPS members actually descend from Munkey? Also, if CPS does allows people to join who do not believe that every last word of this account must be taken literally, including the periods (not that kind DAS!), and commas, then I question if you are true pipe smokers and if yer tobaccer is truly sanctified and I will have ter think about whether I can continue to be a part of this possibley apostate group. <redacted_emoji>
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Post by JimVH » Tue Mar 04, 2014 1:39 pm

I wish I had been around for the Old CPS Testament.
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Post by OldWorldSwine » Tue Mar 04, 2014 1:40 pm

Neat how Pepik is prophesied in the creation narrative.
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Post by Pepik » Tue Mar 04, 2014 2:01 pm

OldWorldSwine wrote:Neat how Pepik is prophesied in the creation narrative.
It's an allusion for the foretelling of the end-times.
Rgrds,
Joe


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Post by FredS » Tue Mar 04, 2014 2:34 pm

Pepik wrote:
OldWorldSwine wrote:Neat how Pepik is prophesied in the creation narrative.
It's an allusion for the foretelling of the end-times.
So, it's safe to say we're on the downslope? I suppose that helps explain the ElgarAlienPooh deal.
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Post by UncleBob » Tue Mar 04, 2014 2:36 pm

JimVH wrote:I wish I had been around for the Old CPS Testament.
LOL!

The coming of the CPS messiah will be told eventually, I am sure.
"One man's theology is another man's belly laugh." - Robert A. Heinlein

"Many of the points here, taken to their logical conclusions, don't hold up to logic; they're simply Godded-up ways of saying "I don't like that." - Skip

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Post by Irish-Dane » Tue Mar 04, 2014 3:04 pm

And it was day and it was night...
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Post by Hovannes » Tue Mar 04, 2014 3:05 pm

UncleBob wrote:
JimVH wrote:I wish I had been around for the Old CPS Testament.
LOL!

The coming of the CPS messiah will be told eventually, I am sure.
But will HE be a Briarite or a Cobunist?

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Post by SmokinGordon » Tue Mar 04, 2014 3:25 pm

JimVH wrote:I wish I had been around for the Old CPS Testament.
Ah, but back then they were under the law and all had to smoke several aros a day. Now in this new age of every man creating a new denomination as he sees fit in his own eyes, we are free to smoke virginias, latakias, periques, orientals and cow manure, should anyone wish, unfettered by the constraints of added gook, chemicals or artificial flavors and aromas. Although there are those legalists among us who wish the cow manure folks would add some other aroma. PLEASE!
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Post by Jocose » Tue Mar 04, 2014 6:25 pm

Hovannes wrote:
UncleBob wrote:
JimVH wrote:I wish I had been around for the Old CPS Testament.
LOL!

The coming of the CPS messiah will be told eventually, I am sure.
But will HE be a Briarite or a Cobunist?
Duh!
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS

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Post by coco » Tue Mar 04, 2014 6:47 pm

UncleBob wrote:
JimVH wrote:I wish I had been around for the Old CPS Testament.
LOL!

The coming of the CPS messiah will be told eventually, I am sure.
I'm presuming that "Paradise by the Monitor Light" will have lyrics expertly crafted by UB.
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Post by mont974x4 » Tue Mar 04, 2014 6:52 pm

Jocose wrote:
Hovannes wrote:
UncleBob wrote:
JimVH wrote:I wish I had been around for the Old CPS Testament.
LOL!

The coming of the CPS messiah will be told eventually, I am sure.
But will HE be a Briarite or a Cobunist?
Duh!
Obviously he will be a Briarite.
It sounded better when the voices in my head were saying it.

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Post by DepartedLight » Tue Mar 04, 2014 8:24 pm

UB wrote:Phase 1: The Origin of CPS
Well done, sir
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Post by DepartedLight » Tue Mar 04, 2014 8:25 pm

infidel wrote:So, are these, like, six literal days, or is it more of a day-age thing?
Also well done, sir.
DL Jake

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you win the sneakiness award. » Bloodhound

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Post by Roadmaster » Tue Mar 04, 2014 9:27 pm

Hovannes wrote:
UncleBob wrote:
JimVH wrote:I wish I had been around for the Old CPS Testament.
LOL!

The coming of the CPS messiah will be told eventually, I am sure.
But will HE be a Briarite or a Cobunist?
The CPS Messiah will unite us.
Well the Briarites will be gentle and the Cobunists will be tame
And the lion shall lay down by the lamb, oh yes
And the beasts from the wild shall be lit by a child
And we'll be changed, changed from this creature that we are, oh yes
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Post by Rusty » Tue Mar 04, 2014 9:28 pm

Holy smokes Graperonto as Grape is on the first page! He was among the first in the first month. Resurrection, return and gone again.

I like the .com, .net & .org trinity. I wonder if the .ru one is still available?
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Post by UncleBob » Tue Mar 04, 2014 9:34 pm

Phase Two: Paradise by the Monitor Light

Or also known as when John-Boy and ArtGuy first met on CPS: A love song.

(To the tune of "Paradise By The Dashboard Light")

[John-Boy:]
I remember every little thing
As if it happened only yesterday
Stopping by the board
And there was not another member in sight
And I never had a girl
Typing any better than you did
And all the folks on board
They were wishing they were me that night

And now our threads are oh so close and tight
It never felt so good, it never felt so right
And we're chatting like some girls at a slumber party
Chatting like some girls at a slumber party
C'mon, hold on tight
C'mon, hold on tight

Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night
I can see paradise by the monitor light

[ArtGuy:]
Ain't no doubt about all the points we missed
'Cause we were barely ever sane
And we were mostly pissed

[Both:]
Ain't no doubt about it
Baby got to go out and shout it
Ain't no doubt about it
All the points we missed

[John-Boy:]
'Cause we were barely ever sane
And we were mostly pissed

Baby don'cha see my post
You got it trolling out the Internet
I've been waiting so long
For you to come along and have some fun
And I gotta let you know
No you're never gonna regret it
So open up your eyes, I got a big surprise
It'll feel all right
Well you wanna turn your laptop on

And now our threads are oh so close and tight
It never felt so good, it never felt so right
And we're chatting like some girls at a slumber party
Chatting like some girls at a slumber party
C'mon, hold on tight
C'mon, hold on tight

[Both:]
Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night
I can see paradise by the monitor light
Paradise by the monitor light

You got to do what you can
And let Preacherman do the rest
Ain't no doubt about it
All the points we missed
'Cause we were barely ever sane
And we were mostly pissed

We're gonna troll all the way tonight
We're gonna troll all the way
And tonight's the night

[Radio Broadcast:]
OK, here we go, we got a real pressure cooker going here
Two threads, nobody on, no admin, bottom of the barrel
There's the Youth Room, and there it is
A pun shot up the middle, look at them groan
This boy can really troll
He's posting first and really turning it on now
He's not letting up at all, he's gonna try for PnP
The point is bobbled out in the response
And here's the groan and what a groan
He's gonna slide Jesus in first
Here he comes, he's out
No, wait, safe, safe at Calvin's text
This kid really makes things up out there
ArtGuy steps up to the plate
Here's the post, he's going
And what a jest he's got
He's trying for funny
Here's the joke
It's in the dirt, safe from mods
Holy cow, stolen youth!
He's taking a pretty big chance out there
Almost daring mods to kick him off
adauria glances over, posts-up and it's avoided
Avoided in order to seem innocent
The suicide thread is on
Here he comes, bad joke, it's gonna be close
Here's the mods, here's the joke under review
Holy cow, I think he's gonna make it

[ArtGuy:]
Stop right there
I gotta know right now
Before we go any further

Am I funny
Will you laugh forever
Do you like me
Will you never leave me
Will you make me so happy
By laughing at my jokes
Will you take my puns
And will you make them seem great
Am I funny
Will you laugh forever
Do you like me
Will you never leave me
Will you make me so happy
By laughing at my jokes
Will you take my puns
And will you make them seem great

I gotta know right now
Before we go any further
Am I funny
Will you laugh forever

[John-Boy:]
Let me sleep on it
Arty, Arty let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And I'll give you an answer in the morning

Let me sleep on it
Arty, Arty let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And I'll give you an answer in the morning

Let me sleep on it
Arty, Arty let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And I'll give you an answer in the morning

[ArtGuy:]
I gotta know right now
Am I funny
Will you laugh forever
Do you like me
Will you never leave me
Am I funny
Will you laugh forever
Do you like me
Will you never leave me
Will you make me so happy
By laughing at my jokes
Will you take my puns
And will you make them seem great


[John-Boy:]
Let me sleep on it
Arty, Arty let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And I'll give you an answer in the morning
Let me sleep on it

[ArtGuy:]
Will you laugh forever

[John-Boy:]
Let me sleep on it

[ArtGuy:]
Will you laugh me forever

[John-Boy:]
I couldn't take it any longer
Lord I was crazed
And when the feeling came upon me
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my God
And on my mother's grave
That I would laugh to the end of time
I swore I would laugh to the end of time

So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
So I can end my time with you

[John-Boy:]
It was long ago and it was far away,
And it was so much better than it is today.

[ArtGuy:]
It never felt so good, it never felt so right
And we're chatting like some girls at a slumber party

Fin
"One man's theology is another man's belly laugh." - Robert A. Heinlein

"Many of the points here, taken to their logical conclusions, don't hold up to logic; they're simply Godded-up ways of saying "I don't like that." - Skip

"You guys are weird." - Mrs. FredS

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