How about a joke thread?

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
User avatar
Sir Moose
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
Posts: 2509
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2015 1:17 am
Location: NW Washington
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Sir Moose » Mon Feb 22, 2016 2:12 am

Q: How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One...or two...one...or two
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

User avatar
Sir Moose
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
Posts: 2509
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2015 1:17 am
Location: NW Washington
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Sir Moose » Mon Feb 22, 2016 2:13 am

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food is great, but there's just no atmosphere.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

User avatar
Sir Moose
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
Posts: 2509
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2015 1:17 am
Location: NW Washington
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Sir Moose » Mon Feb 22, 2016 2:14 am

Do you know what's great about elevator jokes? They work on so many levels.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

User avatar
Sir Moose
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
Posts: 2509
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2015 1:17 am
Location: NW Washington
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Sir Moose » Mon Feb 22, 2016 2:15 am

Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

A: You look for the fresh prints.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

User avatar
Sir Moose
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
Posts: 2509
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2015 1:17 am
Location: NW Washington
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Sir Moose » Mon Feb 22, 2016 2:16 am

Q: What's the worst thing about ancient history class?

A: The teacher tends to Babylon.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

User avatar
Sir Moose
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
Posts: 2509
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2015 1:17 am
Location: NW Washington
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Sir Moose » Mon Feb 22, 2016 2:16 am

I gave all my dead batteries away today....

Free of charge.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

User avatar
Sir Moose
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
Posts: 2509
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2015 1:17 am
Location: NW Washington
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Sir Moose » Mon Feb 22, 2016 2:17 am

When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

User avatar
Sir Moose
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
Posts: 2509
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2015 1:17 am
Location: NW Washington
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Sir Moose » Mon Feb 22, 2016 2:27 am

Q: What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

A: The flavor.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

User avatar
Jocose
a large Chinese man named Wu
a large Chinese man named Wu
Posts: 19738
Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2008 6:00 pm
Location: Moonbase Alpha
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Jocose » Mon Feb 22, 2016 3:45 am

Knock knock
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS

I've crossed the Bosphorus.

User avatar
John-Boy
I'm a lover and I'm a sinner
I'm a lover and I'm a sinner
Posts: 31801
Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2003 6:00 pm
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by John-Boy » Mon Feb 22, 2016 7:13 am

Jocose wrote:Knock knock
Who's there?
Praying - coco
Sometimes memes can be helpful as well as humorous - Jocose
Yer mom is kindhearted and well respected in her community - JMG

User avatar
Jocose
a large Chinese man named Wu
a large Chinese man named Wu
Posts: 19738
Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2008 6:00 pm
Location: Moonbase Alpha
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Jocose » Mon Feb 22, 2016 7:31 am

John-Boy wrote:
Jocose wrote:Knock knock
Who's there?
Who
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS

I've crossed the Bosphorus.

User avatar
John-Boy
I'm a lover and I'm a sinner
I'm a lover and I'm a sinner
Posts: 31801
Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2003 6:00 pm
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by John-Boy » Mon Feb 22, 2016 7:34 am

Jocose wrote:
John-Boy wrote:
Jocose wrote:Knock knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
Praying - coco
Sometimes memes can be helpful as well as humorous - Jocose
Yer mom is kindhearted and well respected in her community - JMG

User avatar
Jocose
a large Chinese man named Wu
a large Chinese man named Wu
Posts: 19738
Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2008 6:00 pm
Location: Moonbase Alpha
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Jocose » Mon Feb 22, 2016 7:46 am

John-Boy wrote:
Jocose wrote:
John-Boy wrote:
Jocose wrote:Knock knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
Is there an echo in here?
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS

I've crossed the Bosphorus.

User avatar
John-Boy
I'm a lover and I'm a sinner
I'm a lover and I'm a sinner
Posts: 31801
Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2003 6:00 pm
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by John-Boy » Mon Feb 22, 2016 8:31 am

Jocose wrote:
John-Boy wrote:
Jocose wrote:
John-Boy wrote:
Jocose wrote:Knock knock
Who's there?
Who
Who who?
Is there an echo in here?
Image
Praying - coco
Sometimes memes can be helpful as well as humorous - Jocose
Yer mom is kindhearted and well respected in her community - JMG

User avatar
yetanotherbob
Congregation
Congregation
Posts: 119
Joined: Sun Jul 25, 2010 6:00 pm
Location: FL
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by yetanotherbob » Mon Feb 22, 2016 7:44 pm

How to Install a Southern Home Security System

1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine.
3. Put four large dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

"Bubba,
Me and Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more beer and ammo. Be back
in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and
messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part but it was hard to tell from all the
blood. Anyway I shut all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. Be back soon.
Cooter"
"Giving money and power to government is like giving whisky and car keys to teenaged boys." -- P.J. O'Rourke

User avatar
Cleon
Brother of the Briar
Brother of the Briar
Posts: 13735
Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2009 6:00 pm
Location: Indiana - South of 40
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Cleon » Wed Mar 16, 2016 7:22 am

A reporter asked Trump if he prays. Trump said he stopped talking to himself long ago.
"Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven" - Jesus

"More people need to put their big boy britches on." - JMG

"Dang, a pipe slap." - JimVH

User avatar
Cleon
Brother of the Briar
Brother of the Briar
Posts: 13735
Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2009 6:00 pm
Location: Indiana - South of 40
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Cleon » Wed Mar 16, 2016 7:23 am

Sir Moose wrote:When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
I like this one. I'm going to tell it to my kids at lunch.
"Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven" - Jesus

"More people need to put their big boy britches on." - JMG

"Dang, a pipe slap." - JimVH

User avatar
Fainn
I've attained the highest rank so far
I've attained the highest rank so far
Posts: 3360
Joined: Fri Jan 29, 2016 8:48 pm

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Fainn » Wed Mar 16, 2016 7:29 am

This election
2016 Winner, Least Likely to Correctly use a Pipe Sock Image

User avatar
Sir Moose
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
Posts: 2509
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2015 1:17 am
Location: NW Washington
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Sir Moose » Wed Mar 16, 2016 9:17 am

Do you know who I saw today?

Everybody I looked at.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

User avatar
Sir Moose
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
President Jar-Jar Binks fan club: "Meesa tink he da best!" - Perpetually in Trouble
Posts: 2509
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2015 1:17 am
Location: NW Washington
Contact:

Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Sir Moose » Wed Mar 16, 2016 9:17 am

Do you know why Tyrannosaurus Rex can't clap?

He's dead.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

Post Reply