How about a joke thread?

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
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Sir Moose
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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Sir Moose » Wed Mar 16, 2016 9:18 am

Do you know what Batman said to Robin right before they got into the Batmobile?

"Hey Robin, get in the car."
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by TwoXseveN » Wed Mar 16, 2016 9:29 am

With Bernie running for president, I'm getting tired of all these socialist jokes out there....


they're not funny unless everybody gets them!
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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Cleon » Wed Mar 16, 2016 9:31 am

TwoXseveN wrote:With Bernie running for president, I'm getting tired of all these socialist jokes out there....


they're not funny unless everybody gets them!
I'm taking your joke and using it since I can't come up with one myself.
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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by TwoXseveN » Wed Mar 16, 2016 9:33 am

Cleon wrote:
TwoXseveN wrote:With Bernie running for president, I'm getting tired of all these socialist jokes out there....


they're not funny unless everybody gets them!
I'm taking your joke and using it since I can't come up with one myself.
Feel free to take it, mine as well get acclimated to this!
I'm what some CPS'ers have called, "Better than advertised".

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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by JudgeRusty » Wed Mar 16, 2016 9:49 am

How many German Shorthaired Pointers does it take to change a light bulb?


One, and afterwards it will re-wire the lamp and put light bulbs on the grocery list.
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal

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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Sir Moose » Wed Mar 16, 2016 10:42 am

Two socialists walk into a bar and the bart...

Sorry, the rest of the joke belongs to somebody else now.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Pepik » Wed Mar 16, 2016 11:01 am

Guy walks into a library. He walks up to the Head Librarian's desk and boldly says aloud: "I'd like a cheese burger, a Coke and an order of Fries!"

The Librarian looks at him quizzically and responds, "Sir - this is a Library."

The fellow, looking sheepish, says in a far quieter voice: "Oh! Sorry. I'd like a cheese burger, a Coke and an order of Fries."
Rgrds,
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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Fainn » Thu Mar 17, 2016 4:47 am

Irish Jokes

A priest, a rabbi, and a leprechaun walk into a bar. The leprechaun looks around and says: Blimey! I'm in the wrong joke!

A priest, a rabbi, and a Buddhist leprechaun walk into a bar in Asheville. The bartender spends the next two weeks ranting about the lack of diversity in the group.

Whats an Irish 7 course meal? A six pack of beer and a potato.
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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Cleon » Thu Mar 17, 2016 11:07 am

What did the dog say when it sat on some sand paper?

Ruff, ruff.
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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Sir Moose » Thu Mar 17, 2016 11:33 am

Once upon a time, in a land far away, there lived a small community of people called the Trids. The Trids lived a basically happy and peaceful existence with one exception: Just outside of their village, on the only road coming or going to their village, there was a bridge across a river. Under the bridge, their lived a great big, hideous troll. Every time one of the Trids would try to cross the bridge, the troll would come out and begin mercilessly kicking them as they scrambled to get away. This caused them no end of difficulty and resulted in them being a fairly isolated community.
One day, a rabbi heard about their isolation and decided to go and help them in any way that he could. As he approached their village, he crossed the bridge warily, but was left completely unmolested by the troll. He got to the village and explained that he had come to help them. He then asked if the bridge he had crossed was the one that they had so much trouble crossing. When they told him that it was, he was confused by how easily he had crossed it. So, he headed back out to the bridge and again crossed it with out any trouble.
At that point, the rabbi called out to the troll, "Hey troll! Are you down there?"
The troll came out, and gruffly demanded, "What do you want?"
The rabbi asked, "Why is it that whenever the Trids cross the bridge you come out and kick them mercilessly, but you allow me to cross without any difficulty?"
The troll looked at him like he was an idiot. "Silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids."
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Sir Moose » Thu Mar 17, 2016 11:36 am

Mick Flaherty had supped more Guinness than enough and had stumbled out of Quinn's bar and into the Sunday afternoon air.
As his drunken eyes squinted to adjust to the light, an ambulance went by at great speed. Blue lights flashing and siren blaring, it roared up the street with Mick in full flight running after it.
A hundred yards, 200, 300, almost a quarter of a mile he tracked it until suddenly, lungs and legs giving out, he fell into the gutter.
Then with his very last ounce of breath he roared: 'You can keep your damned ice cream!'
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Sir Moose » Thu Mar 17, 2016 12:29 pm

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Apparently more than three, because my basement's still dark.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Sir Moose » Tue May 17, 2016 9:35 am

One hot summer day, a lady hears the happy tunes of a truck driving through the neighborhood blaring it's tinny music to announce its presence to all the neighborhood kids. She drops everything and runs after it. After a few minutes she catches up to the truck and gets the drivers attention so he stops for her.
"Hi," the driver greets her.
Breathlessly she pants out, "Hey there. I don't actually want any ice cream - I just wanted to let you know that I'm vegan."
"That's okay," the driver replies. "I'm not actually selling ice cream. I just wanted to let everybody know that I Cross Fit."
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by JimVH » Tue May 17, 2016 9:43 am

Sir Moose wrote:One hot summer day, a lady hears the happy tunes of a truck driving through the neighborhood blaring it's tinny music to announce its presence to all the neighborhood kids. She drops everything and runs after it. After a few minutes she catches up to the truck and gets the drivers attention so he stops for her.
"Hi," the driver greets her.
Breathlessly she pants out, "Hey there. I don't actually want any ice cream - I just wanted to let you know that I'm vegan."
"That's okay," the driver replies. "I'm not actually selling ice cream. I just wanted to let everybody know that I Cross Fit."
Wow, it's like I know those two.

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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Jocose » Tue May 17, 2016 10:08 am

Knock Knock
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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by mont974x4 » Tue May 17, 2016 10:12 am

Jocose wrote:Knock Knock
I gave at the office.
It sounded better when the voices in my head were saying it.

Ire attracter-at-large and general misanthrope.

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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Jocose » Tue May 17, 2016 11:01 am

mont974x4 wrote:
Jocose wrote:Knock Knock
I gave at the office.
Helen, we've got an owl out here in the hall.
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS

I've crossed the Bosphorus.

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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by mont974x4 » Tue May 17, 2016 12:55 pm

Jocose wrote:
mont974x4 wrote:
Jocose wrote:Knock Knock
I gave at the office.
Helen, we've got an owl out here in the hall.
Who be there?
It sounded better when the voices in my head were saying it.

Ire attracter-at-large and general misanthrope.

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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Jocose » Tue May 17, 2016 12:56 pm

mont974x4 wrote:
Jocose wrote:
mont974x4 wrote:
Jocose wrote:Knock Knock
I gave at the office.
Helen, we've got an owl out here in the hall.
Who be there?
Who
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS

I've crossed the Bosphorus.

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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by John-Boy » Sun May 22, 2016 7:00 pm

Jocose wrote:
mont974x4 wrote:
Jocose wrote:
mont974x4 wrote:
Jocose wrote:Knock Knock
I gave at the office.
Helen, we've got an owl out here in the hall.
Who be there?
Who
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
Praying - coco
Sometimes memes can be helpful as well as humorous - Jocose
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