Intermittent Farting

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
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sweetandsour
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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by sweetandsour » Tue Nov 29, 2016 8:59 am

When on an airplane, never be the first to reach up and open the air vent ... Or else people will think you're the guilty party.
As thus we sat in darkness
Each one busy with his prayers,
"We are lost!" the captain shouted,
As he staggered down the stairs.

O love the Lord, all ye His saints: for the Lord preserveth the faithful. Psalm 31:23

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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by AFRS » Tue Nov 29, 2016 9:24 am

A fart thread.

CPS at it's best. :taco:

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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by UncleBob » Tue Nov 29, 2016 10:51 am

"One man's theology is another man's belly laugh." - Robert A. Heinlein

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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by John-Boy » Tue Nov 29, 2016 10:56 am

Q: What do you call a person that doesn't fart in public?
A: a PRIVATE TUTOR.
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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by sweetandsour » Tue Nov 29, 2016 5:39 pm

Ether wrote:
Jocose wrote:<I crop dust this thread and then leave.>
Urban Dictionary wrote:crop dusting:
Passing gas in a stealth manor, usually while walking through a crowd or a group, so that someone else gets blamed for the stench, or at the very least people besides the assailent must suffer it.
This is how you get fluent in other tongues! Thank you, I love it!
"Crop dusting"... I like the term. My grade-school grandkids call it a "drive-by".
As thus we sat in darkness
Each one busy with his prayers,
"We are lost!" the captain shouted,
As he staggered down the stairs.

O love the Lord, all ye His saints: for the Lord preserveth the faithful. Psalm 31:23

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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by Sir Moose » Tue Nov 29, 2016 5:58 pm

sweetandsour wrote:When on an airplane, never be the first to reach up and open the air vent ... Or else people will think you're the guilty party.
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In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by Fainn » Tue Nov 29, 2016 7:36 pm

A few weeks ago my wife said I did an SBD. I told her to get her hearing checked.
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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by JimVH » Wed Nov 30, 2016 7:21 pm

Image
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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by DepartedLight » Wed Nov 30, 2016 9:13 pm

Much research.

Impressed? Or creeped out?
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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by sweetandsour » Wed Nov 30, 2016 9:47 pm

DepartedLight wrote:Much research.

Impressed? Or creeped out?
Impressed, of course. There's an old adage, "balogna will make you fart; but onion will make it stink".
As thus we sat in darkness
Each one busy with his prayers,
"We are lost!" the captain shouted,
As he staggered down the stairs.

O love the Lord, all ye His saints: for the Lord preserveth the faithful. Psalm 31:23

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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by sweetandsour » Wed Nov 30, 2016 11:25 pm

The clerk at the small town hardware store was blind, but his other senses were keen. A customer smugly walked up to the young clerk with a fishing reel, set it on the counter, and asked "how much for this reel?". The young clerk felt of it, and replied, "$30".
The customer chuckled, and then softly farted, as he proceeded to check out. "He won't know who dealt it, he's blind!", the customer thought to himself.
"That will be $45", said the clerk.
"$45?, replied the customer. "You just said $30".
"Yes", replied the clerk. "Plus $10 for the duck call; and $5 for the catfish stink bait".
As thus we sat in darkness
Each one busy with his prayers,
"We are lost!" the captain shouted,
As he staggered down the stairs.

O love the Lord, all ye His saints: for the Lord preserveth the faithful. Psalm 31:23

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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by John-Boy » Sat Dec 03, 2016 4:43 pm

Guess which one is my kid.
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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by DepartedLight » Sat Dec 03, 2016 6:23 pm

Kenzie crop dusts.
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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by 7formy1911 » Sat Dec 03, 2016 9:36 pm

DepartedLight wrote:Kenzie crop dusts.
Only first class...
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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by DepartedLight » Sat Dec 03, 2016 9:58 pm

First semester, senior year of high school, last period, English class.

It's a hilarious environment because our teacher is Miss Nguyễn and can hardly speak English let alone attempt to teach it to a room full of dorks like me at 17.

I got chummy with a gal next to me as we annihilated what she was attempting to teach us day after day. A female me at 17. Just, you know. Not fat. Or wearing glasses. And she laughed with me. I should have collected my sweat. I oozed Viagra concentrate. Millions of dollars we're talking about here. Anyway. One day Miss Nguyễn was unable to be understood by anyone in the class. For a few minutes people were trying to figure it out. Then it just got hilarious and in the gut splitting laugher, female me tooted. Just as I was about to bust her she gave me the silent 'please' and puppy eyes. I said nothing. Never even got to kiss her. If I could remember her name, I'd tell you who it was.
DL Jake

All my posts should be viewed from a position of, this guy is nuts.

I missed throwing up in 2016. » tuttle

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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by Sir Moose » Mon Dec 12, 2016 5:02 pm

Image
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by Cleon » Mon Dec 12, 2016 6:29 pm

DepartedLight wrote:First semester, senior year of high school, last period, English class.

It's a hilarious environment because our teacher is Miss Nguyễn and can hardly speak English let alone attempt to teach it to a room full of dorks like me at 17.

I got chummy with a gal next to me as we annihilated what she was attempting to teach us day after day. A female me at 17. Just, you know. Not fat. Or wearing glasses. And she laughed with me. I should have collected my sweat. I oozed Viagra concentrate. Millions of dollars we're talking about here. Anyway. One day Miss Nguyễn was unable to be understood by anyone in the class. For a few minutes people were trying to figure it out. Then it just got hilarious and in the gut splitting laugher, female me tooted. Just as I was about to bust her she gave me the silent 'please' and puppy eyes. I said nothing. Never even got to kiss her. If I could remember her name, I'd tell you who it was.
The one that got away? I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Good story, though.
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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by Fainn » Thu Dec 15, 2016 9:28 am

Sir Moose wrote:
sweetandsour wrote:When on an airplane, never be the first to reach up and open the air vent ... Or else people will think you're the guilty party.
Image
Image
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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by AFRS » Thu Dec 15, 2016 12:10 pm

John-Boy wrote:Guess which one is my kid.
Image

Shrek.

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Re: Intermittent Farting

Post by JimVH » Sun Jan 22, 2017 11:42 pm

Image
"When God closes a door, just open it again. It's a door. That's how they work." FredS

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