How about a joke thread?

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
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hugodrax
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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by hugodrax » Mon Jul 06, 2020 6:38 pm

Craft wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 5:43 pm
Sir Moose wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 5:39 pm
Craft wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 5:25 pm
Jocose wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 5:01 pm
Craft wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 4:26 pm
Jocose wrote:
Sat May 23, 2020 5:39 pm
Image
Don't get it.

A bishop, a rabbi, and a priest all hit their heads on a bar. What's the joke?
It takes a little life experience to figure this one out, that or hearing the old jokes once or twice.
Nothing to do with bar-mitzvah right?
The correct phrasing is "a bishop, a rabbi, and a priest walk into a bar...."
Oh.... how cheesy...
I miss Skip.
Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth
—Marcus Aurelius

non nobis, Domine, non nobis, sed nomini tuo da gloriam

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Craft
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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Craft » Mon Jul 06, 2020 6:42 pm

hugodrax wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 6:38 pm
Craft wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 5:43 pm
Sir Moose wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 5:39 pm
Craft wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 5:25 pm
Jocose wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 5:01 pm
Craft wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 4:26 pm
Jocose wrote:
Sat May 23, 2020 5:39 pm
Image
Don't get it.

A bishop, a rabbi, and a priest all hit their heads on a bar. What's the joke?
It takes a little life experience to figure this one out, that or hearing the old jokes once or twice.
Nothing to do with bar-mitzvah right?
The correct phrasing is "a bishop, a rabbi, and a priest walk into a bar...."
Oh.... how cheesy...
I miss Skip.
Skip who?
“I don't dislike babies, though I think very young ones rather disgusting.” - A. Victoria

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Jocose
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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Jocose » Mon Jul 06, 2020 9:30 pm

Craft wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 6:42 pm
hugodrax wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 6:38 pm
Craft wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 5:43 pm
Sir Moose wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 5:39 pm
Craft wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 5:25 pm
Jocose wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 5:01 pm
Craft wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 4:26 pm
Jocose wrote:
Sat May 23, 2020 5:39 pm
Image
Don't get it.

A bishop, a rabbi, and a priest all hit their heads on a bar. What's the joke?
It takes a little life experience to figure this one out, that or hearing the old jokes once or twice.
Nothing to do with bar-mitzvah right?
The correct phrasing is "a bishop, a rabbi, and a priest walk into a bar...."
Oh.... how cheesy...
I miss Skip.
Skip who?
Long story
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS

"This thread makes me sad." ~ SlowToke

"The yutz is silly Jocose. I have him foed yet still have to view his stupid and annoying thread titles." ~ Goose55

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Hovannes
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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Hovannes » Mon Aug 17, 2020 2:29 pm

Q: What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
A: Nobody knows!

Nurse: The invisible man is in the waiting room
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him
DEUS VULT!

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michigander
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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by michigander » Mon Aug 17, 2020 5:36 pm

Roadmaster wrote:
Wed Aug 29, 2018 1:12 pm
<This is not me I ride a Goldwing>

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”

"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."


Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still in the ditch with the Harley, I guess."
Thanks RM

This had me in tears. I read it to my wife. She had to spit out her wine. :D

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Roadmaster
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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Roadmaster » Mon Aug 17, 2020 9:19 pm

A golfer was on the green getting ready to make a put when he noticed out of the corner of his eye a hearse and funeral procession. Immediately he dropped his putter,
removed his hat and placed it over his heart. He stood ramrod straight until the last car went by. His golfing partner said I never knew you to be so respectful. He said it was the least I could do we were married 37 years.

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Goose55
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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Goose55 » Fri Nov 20, 2020 4:26 pm

An old Italian woman in the city was out sweeping the sidewalk (they always sweep sidewalks) when a person taking a survey approached asking her if she was a Democrat, Republican or Technocrat.

She said, "Democrat and Republican I know, but what is a Technocrat?" She then yelled up to her husband where he had the bathroom window opened, asking him: "Hey, honey, you Technocrat?"

He yelled back down, "No, justa takin' a shave."

:)
"At present we're on the wrong side of the door. But all the pages of the New Testament are rustling with the rumor that it will not always be so." ~ C.S. Lewis

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Hovannes
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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Hovannes » Mon Dec 21, 2020 11:09 am

A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple’s house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m waiting for Jeff to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law answered.

“But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.

“This is my love dress,” the daughter-in-law explained.

“Love dress? But you’re naked!”

“Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy.”

The mother-in-law on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying provocatively on the couch.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her naked on the couch.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“This is my love dress,” she replied.

“Needs ironing,” he says" “What’s for dinner?”
DEUS VULT!

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CodeMonkey
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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by CodeMonkey » Sat Dec 26, 2020 11:48 pm

“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play” – Newspaper reporter.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" - Homer Simpson

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Stanley76
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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by Stanley76 » Sun Dec 27, 2020 9:13 pm

Not really a joke but it's still funny.

Image
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Re: How about a joke thread?

Post by JimVH » Sun Dec 27, 2020 11:08 pm

Rita and I are opening a medical marijuana shop.




It’s a joint decision.
"The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days." Ray Wylie Hubbard

"Your boos mean nothing. I see what you cheer." Kevin Sorbo

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