Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
User avatar
JimVH
Boop Totesadorbs' Dad
Boop Totesadorbs' Dad
Posts: 26630
Joined: Sun May 18, 2008 6:00 pm
Location: I wasn't born in Texas, but I got here as soon as I could.
Contact:

Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by JimVH » Fri Dec 21, 2018 1:19 pm

My wife just told me "Putting that light bulb in was really screwy." She couldn't understand why I chuckled.

The family has a list of what have affectionately become known as Rita-isms. The Rita-ism hall of fame contains such gems as: "Raise that window down", "Don't put all your eggs in front of the cart", and the perennial favorite, "It's cold as Methuselum in here."
"The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days." Ray Wylie Hubbard

"Your boos mean nothing. I see what you cheer." Kevin Sorbo

User avatar
JimVH
Boop Totesadorbs' Dad
Boop Totesadorbs' Dad
Posts: 26630
Joined: Sun May 18, 2008 6:00 pm
Location: I wasn't born in Texas, but I got here as soon as I could.
Contact:

Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by JimVH » Thu Jan 07, 2021 3:33 pm

Simple replies still need to be proofread.

"Got it" and "go tit" are just a mistimed key stroke apart.
"The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days." Ray Wylie Hubbard

"Your boos mean nothing. I see what you cheer." Kevin Sorbo

User avatar
Roadmaster
Fan of Dr. Buttcrack
Fan of Dr. Buttcrack
Posts: 14401
Joined: Sat Dec 29, 2007 6:00 pm
Location: Missouri The Show-me State

Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by Roadmaster » Thu Jan 07, 2021 4:45 pm

One time dad was changing a tire with a bumper Jack. It was getting close to the top and he didn't appear to be slowing down and I said Dad you're about to jack it off!

User avatar
JimVH
Boop Totesadorbs' Dad
Boop Totesadorbs' Dad
Posts: 26630
Joined: Sun May 18, 2008 6:00 pm
Location: I wasn't born in Texas, but I got here as soon as I could.
Contact:

Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by JimVH » Thu Jan 07, 2021 7:42 pm

Roadmaster wrote:
Thu Jan 07, 2021 4:45 pm
One time dad was changing a tire with a bumper Jack. It was getting close to the top and he didn't appear to be slowing down and I said Dad you're about to jack it off!
Genuine lol.
"The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days." Ray Wylie Hubbard

"Your boos mean nothing. I see what you cheer." Kevin Sorbo

User avatar
DepartedLight
Archfairy of Carolinia
Archfairy of Carolinia
Posts: 31605
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2009 6:00 pm
Location: Tobacco Fairy HQ, North Carolina

Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by DepartedLight » Thu Jan 07, 2021 8:59 pm

On a work conference call at some point in history:

NO! You don't get to have 95% of my company's resources on your issue.

I was on speaker phone in the tech support area and everyone stopped and the client wondered if I was talking to him. Damn right, I'm talking to you! You have person-1 and person-2 who are best for this issue. That's it. We have a business to run. You don't get to shut that down because you are upset.

Who am I kidding?

I loved this!
DL Jake

It's the closest I have ever come to being in a Soviet bread line. - MrsCoco

User avatar
JMG
You American sniper
You American sniper
Posts: 7074
Joined: Thu Feb 25, 2010 6:00 pm
Location: MS

Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by JMG » Thu Jan 07, 2021 9:57 pm

The girl I dated before beginning to date my wife was a genuinely good gal. Pretty, nice, loved Jesus. However, even though I'm pretty certain, had I proposed, she would have said yes, I just didn't have "those" feelings for her. Because she was a such a good person I sincerely didn't want to hurt her feelings so when I broke up with her I had chosen my words carefully. I remember saying something to extent of, "You are a wonderful person, and if I could make myself love you, I absolutely would...but I just don't have those feelings for you."

Now...in my mind at the time that was a good thing to say as I was trying to convey that I truly wished things would work between us and that I thought very highly of her. Unfortunately, however, either I didn't say it right, or what I was trying to get across did NOT, in fact, come across that way.

Things did not go over well that night.
"No reserves, no retreats, no regrets."
"When you're dumb, you've got to be tough." - my dad

User avatar
sweetandsour
Notable Minister of Live Bait
Notable Minister of Live Bait
Posts: 13053
Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2008 6:00 pm
Location: Bayou Self
Contact:

Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by sweetandsour » Fri Jan 08, 2021 6:59 am

Two things that immediately come to mind for me:

1. "I'm 55 years old and I've never been admitted to a hospital".

2. "I'll never live in a trailer".
The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year, but rather that we should have a new soul.

G. K. Chesterton

User avatar
tuttle
Tomnoddy Attercop
Tomnoddy Attercop
Posts: 15843
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2008 6:00 pm
Location: Middle-west
Contact:

Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by tuttle » Fri Jan 08, 2021 9:24 am

Our family is friends with another family and for a span we would get together and eat dinner at each other's houses. At the time of the incident we were relatively new friends. Now typically in a husband and wife relationship one is more ornery than the other. I being the more ornery one in my relationship, and the wife of our friends being the more ornery in hers. This led to an ongoing repartee of orneriness between she and I when we all would get together, to the general amusement of all. Knowing it would annoy me, a man named Richard, she began calling me "Dick". This was an ongoing goad continually held over me that I was seeking to one-up.

The disaster happened this way:

Determined to regain the upper hand, I made mention that the nickname "Dick" for Richard made as much sense as "Vagina" for [her name]. Everyone laughed and she was caught off guard, a sure sign it was time to strike and rid myself of this nickname. "Tell you what" I said--and God's honest truth I said it without being aware of what I actually said-- "if you give me Vagina, I'll give you Dick."

8O
"The Evangelium has not abrogated legends; it has hallowed them" -JRR Tolkien

"Better to die cheerfully with the aid of a little tobacco, than to live disagreeably and remorseful without." -CS Lewis

User avatar
Fainn
Master's of fArts
Master's of fArts
Posts: 7366
Joined: Fri Jan 29, 2016 8:48 pm
Location: Unleashing a deadly fart cloud on some unsuspecting soul

Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by Fainn » Fri Jan 08, 2021 9:56 am

tuttle wrote:
Fri Jan 08, 2021 9:24 am
Our family is friends with another family and for a span we would get together and eat dinner at each other's houses. At the time of the incident we were relatively new friends. Now typically in a husband and wife relationship one is more ornery than the other. I being the more ornery one in my relationship, and the wife of our friends being the more ornery in hers. This led to an ongoing repartee of orneriness between she and I when we all would get together, to the general amusement of all. Knowing it would annoy me, a man named Richard, she began calling me "Dick". This was an ongoing goad continually held over me that I was seeking to one-up.

The disaster happened this way:

Determined to regain the upper hand, I made mention that the nickname "Dick" for Richard made as much sense as "Vagina" for [her name]. Everyone laughed and she was caught off guard, a sure sign it was time to strike and rid myself of this nickname. "Tell you what" I said--and God's honest truth I said it without being aware of what I actually said-- "if you give me Vagina, I'll give you Dick."

8O
This is how the year should have started.
Opinions are like butts. Everyone has one, but mine is the best.

User avatar
durangopipe
The Goat Fairy
The Goat Fairy
Posts: 9031
Joined: Wed Jan 20, 2016 3:58 pm
Location: Southwest Colorado

Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by durangopipe » Fri Jan 08, 2021 12:07 pm

I was invited by a friend who teaches 2nd grade to share an “author’s day” with her students and their parents. She invited me every year.

After sharing their own lovely little books with me, I read a few things from my own work and then there was a question and answer period.

I was asked by one child what my favorite thing about being a writer was, and I answered that since I worked at home, sometimes I worked in my pajamas. Everyone laughed.

Then one of the parents asked me how I got paid.

I talked about advances and royalties, but the most interesting income for me had come from some coffee table books that were “packaged books”. Packaged books are provided to a publisher by a “book packager” who, for a fixed fee, provides finished copies of a book to the publisher free of any long-term financial obligations. Everyone who is involved in the making of the book is paid a fixed fee, and that’s the end of it. No royalties, no subsidiary rights. Clean. Simple.

I wanted to explain how this relatively recent development in publishing came about, so I though I’d begin by mentioning the book that had been the first “packaged book”.


In front of that lovely group of children, their parents, their teacher, a few school administrators and my wife I began with ...

“How many of you know The Joy of Sex” ?
. . . be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

The most improper job of any man, even saints, is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity.. J.R.R. Tolkien

2017 Morley - Outstanding BRATASS of the Year

User avatar
CodeMonkey
A.K.A. Sigmund Freud
A.K.A. Sigmund Freud
Posts: 6659
Joined: Sat Nov 07, 2009 6:00 pm
Location: Dark side of the moon

Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by CodeMonkey » Fri Jan 08, 2021 8:14 pm

I told my supervisor that I got paid by the hour, not how much work I got done.
“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play” – Newspaper reporter.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" - Homer Simpson

User avatar
FredS
Patron Saint of Pipe Smoking
Patron Saint of Pipe Smoking
Posts: 24596
Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 6:00 pm
Location: NOCO (Northern Colorado)

Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by FredS » Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:28 am

As a child, daughter #3, asking about the menu in a Mexican restaurant, pronounced fajita as fudge-eye-ta. For some reason, this embarrassed Mrs FredS greatly. So, for the last 20 years, my daughters and I have mispronounced it. It's one of those great inside jokes families share.
"If we ever get to heaven boys, it aint because we aint done nothin' wrong" - Kris Kristofferson

"One of the things I love about CPS is the frank and enthusiastic dysfunction here. God help me, I do love it so." – OldWorldSwine

"I'd like to put a hook in that puppet and swing it through a bunch of salmon!" - durangopipe

User avatar
BeefyG
Usher
Usher
Posts: 413
Joined: Tue Jun 25, 2019 12:04 pm

Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by BeefyG » Sat Jan 09, 2021 11:40 pm

My wife said she was thinking of making stuffed poblano peppers for supper. I responded with “oh yeah, I actually like that one!” Definitely should have left the “actually” out.

Post Reply