Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
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Penrose
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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by Penrose » Fri Feb 13, 2015 7:20 pm

My wife's text to someone yesterday: "Glory to God for all thongs!"

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by CodeMonkey » Fri Feb 13, 2015 8:02 pm

When I told my supervisor I got paid by the hour and not by how much work I did. Oh well it was time to move on down the road.
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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by John-Boy » Tue Mar 10, 2015 11:25 am

'Let everything that has breasts praise the Lord." John Ortberg
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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by John-Boy » Tue Mar 10, 2015 11:25 am

"The Church is Body, not a business! It's a living orgasm." Rick Warren
Praying - coco
Sometimes memes can be helpful as well as humorous - Jocose
Yer mom is kindhearted and well respected in her community - JMG
And when I am sitting on my new saddle, I will know that my weight is resting upon the collective minds of CPS - GaryinVa

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by Hovannes » Wed Mar 11, 2015 2:32 pm

"Do you have anything to declare?" Asked the Customs official
"A small unlicensed nuclear device." I answered (referring to the radium dial on my wristwatch) :facepalm:
"What doesn't kill you, gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor."

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by JimVH » Wed May 06, 2015 12:37 pm

I just reviewed a job application where, under Education, he wrote: "Bachelor's Degree in Englshit".

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by Sir Moose » Wed May 06, 2015 7:50 pm

At a softball game years ago, a relatively attractive young lady slid into third base and scraped her leg up a bit. She pulled the pants leg up to her knee to examine the damage. When the pitcher was about ready to pitch to the next batter, she hadn't fixed the pant leg yet, so I helpfully called out, "Hey Laura, don't forget to pull your pants down."
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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by serapion » Wed May 06, 2015 8:36 pm

As a kid I went to Shea Stadium with my little league. Sent a friend to get me a hot dog. Subsequently the coach, standing in the isle ask if I needed to go to the men's room. I shouted back "no, Joe went for me.!"


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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by Roadmaster » Wed May 06, 2015 8:54 pm

I was in the break room at a grocery warehouse while unloading several years ago. A driver who was black came in looked around and said, “Looks like I’m the only black guy in here.” Everyone cracked up.

Later that day I stopped at a Churches Chicken. I went inside and started, “Looks like I’m the only white guy in here.” Nobody was amused.
Facts should never get in the way of a good story.

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by JimVH » Fri Oct 23, 2015 11:51 am

At least this wasn't from my mouth:

Why would anyone think it's ok to ask their HR rep to help them hook-up with a coworker they saw on Tinder?

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by gaining_age » Fri Oct 23, 2015 11:54 am

JimVH wrote:At least this wasn't from my mouth:

Why would anyone think it's ok to ask their HR rep to help them hook-up with a coworker they saw on Tinder?

"what are Human Resources for....?"
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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by beagle_fan » Fri Oct 23, 2015 12:51 pm

Once as we were leaving an Easter service at our church, my mother made the following commentary on a portrayal of the Apostle Peter by a gentleman at the church:

"I just want to say to him 'Listen buddy, we aren't impressed with your Peter!'"

Queue awkward silence..

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by JimVH » Fri Oct 23, 2015 2:33 pm

:lol:
beagle_fan wrote:Once as we were leaving an Easter service at our church, my mother made the following commentary on a portrayal of the Apostle Peter by a gentleman at the church:

"I just want to say to him 'Listen buddy, we aren't impressed with your Peter!'"

Queue awkward silence..

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by FredS » Fri Oct 23, 2015 2:44 pm

Yes dear, that dress does make you look fat.
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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by Skip » Sat Oct 24, 2015 8:38 pm

FredS wrote:Yes dear, that dress does make you look fat.
Well, the dress doesn't make you look fat...
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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by Skip » Sat Oct 24, 2015 8:38 pm

"Yeah, go ahead, pour me another one."
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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by Skip » Sat Oct 24, 2015 8:39 pm

"I thought you said you were getting your hair done."
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2017 Curmudgeon of the Year

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by hugodrax » Sat Oct 24, 2015 8:50 pm

On the way out of The Passion of the Christ, I turned around to the sobbing fellow behind me and said, "I don't know, I think the Book was better." I almost got lynched by the crowd

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by hugodrax » Sat Oct 24, 2015 8:51 pm

Skip wrote:"Yeah, go ahead, pour me another one."
Oh, me too, brother. Me, too.

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FredS
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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by FredS » Mon Oct 26, 2015 7:42 am

Hey guys, watch this!
"If we ever get to heaven boys, it aint because we aint done nothin' wrong" - Kris Kristofferson

"One of the things I love about CPS is the frank and enthusiastic dysfunction here. God help me, I do love it so." – OldWorldSwine

"I'd like to put a hook in that puppet and swing it through a bunch of salmon!" - durangopipe

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