Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by Skip » Mon Oct 26, 2015 9:30 am

You gonna eat that?
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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by beagle_fan » Tue Oct 27, 2015 2:52 pm

Of course the ever-popular redneck mantra: "I got this, hold my beer!"

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by Sir Moose » Wed Nov 18, 2015 2:52 pm

My eyes were really dry. I said, "I've got really dry eyeballs. That's right, I've got dryballs."

My daughter just looked at me and said, "Just...quit...talking."
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by JimVH » Wed Nov 18, 2015 2:53 pm

Sir Moose wrote:My eyes were really dry. I said, "I've got really dry eyeballs. That's right, I've got dryballs."

My daughter just looked at me and said, "Just...quit...talking."
That made my afternoon.

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by fiddlestix » Wed Nov 18, 2015 5:16 pm

My mother taught high school geometry and the year my twin brother was in her class she sat at the overhead projector one day and drew a circumscribed triangle but referred to it as a circumsized triangle. He thought that was fun...

She is as proper a woman as you've ever met and I've never heard a foul word intentionally come out of her mouth, but she was born and raised in south Louisiana and she would get so excited everytime it snowed. One day she was standing at the back window watching it snow and observing how slowly the traffic was moving on the interstate behind our house when she shouted for us all to come look. "A truck just jacked off on the interstate!!" All of us kids looked at each other and tried to find a polite way to tell her the phrase she was looking for was jack-knifed. Oh my, she would kill me if she knew I was posting that story.

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by JimVH » Fri Apr 01, 2016 11:04 am

Advice from the HR guy:

Quitting your job publicly, announcing it on social media, and then later trying to pass it off as an April Fools joke will not enhance your career growth.

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by DepartedLight » Fri Apr 01, 2016 12:11 pm

"I do."
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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by durangopipe » Fri Apr 01, 2016 12:26 pm

"It's nice to see you and your mother" to a guy and his wife.
. . . be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by durangopipe » Fri Apr 01, 2016 12:27 pm

She is as proper a woman as you've ever met and I've never heard a foul word intentionally come out of her mouth, but she was born and raised in south Louisiana and she would get so excited everytime it snowed. One day she was standing at the back window watching it snow and observing how slowly the traffic was moving on the interstate behind our house when she shouted for us all to come look. "A truck just jacked off on the interstate!!" All of us kids looked at each other and tried to find a polite way to tell her the phrase she was looking for was jack-knifed. Oh my, she would kill me if she knew I was posting that story.
LOVE this one!
. . . be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

The most improper job of any man, even saints, is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity.. J.R.R. Tolkien

2017 Morley - Outstanding BRATASS of the Year

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by JimVH » Tue Jan 17, 2017 5:28 am

Image

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by JimVH » Thu Dec 20, 2018 6:09 pm

My wife called while I was at the lunch table with coworkers today. She suggested that we stay the night at a cat-owning family member's house on an upcoming trip. I blurted out, "No, honey, I will not spend the night at a cat house."

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by DepartedLight » Thu Dec 20, 2018 6:25 pm

JimVH wrote:
Thu Dec 20, 2018 6:09 pm
My wife called while I was at the lunch table with coworkers today. She suggested that we stay the night at a cat-owning family member's house on an upcoming trip. I blurted out, "No, honey, I will not spend the night at a cat house."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by dasmokeryaget » Thu Dec 20, 2018 7:02 pm

I was best man at my uncle's wedding. My cousin, his son was running video camera to record ceremony.

Me: Art, this woman scares the hell out of me.

Art: You? She's gonna be my step mother. Lady's a freak show.

Art had already hit "record"

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by DepartedLight » Thu Dec 20, 2018 7:09 pm

dasmokeryaget wrote:
Thu Dec 20, 2018 7:02 pm
I was best man at my uncle's wedding. My cousin, his son was running video camera to record ceremony.

Me: Art, this woman scares the hell out of me.

Art: You? She's gonna be my step mother. Lady's a freak show.

Art had already hit "record"
Awesome. Art gets the bigger hit. Well done.
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IRT 328; "kinda smells like... meat." - Mrs. Gabriel » 09 Sep 2017

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by hugodrax » Thu Dec 20, 2018 7:24 pm

What I said to Jo haunts me.
Etiam mihi opinio anserem perirent.

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by DepartedLight » Thu Dec 20, 2018 7:44 pm

hugodrax wrote:
Thu Dec 20, 2018 7:24 pm
What I said to Jo haunts me.
Did you say the L word and he didn’t reciprocate?
DL Jake

IRT 328; "kinda smells like... meat." - Mrs. Gabriel » 09 Sep 2017

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by Fainn » Thu Dec 20, 2018 9:04 pm

DepartedLight wrote:
hugodrax wrote:
Thu Dec 20, 2018 7:24 pm
What I said to Jo haunts me.
Did you say the L word and he didn’t reciprocate?
Lol

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by Fainn » Thu Dec 20, 2018 9:07 pm

I went to a messianic synagogue a few times where I said I was newish and looking to convert to Newdyism which sounded way too close to nudism whe I said it out loud.

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by durangopipe » Thu Dec 20, 2018 9:14 pm

JimVH wrote:
Thu Dec 20, 2018 6:09 pm
My wife called while I was at the lunch table with coworkers today. She suggested that we stay the night at a cat-owning family member's house on an upcoming trip. I blurted out, "No, honey, I will not spend the night at a cat house."
I guess you’re in the doghouse now.
. . . be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

The most improper job of any man, even saints, is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity.. J.R.R. Tolkien

2017 Morley - Outstanding BRATASS of the Year

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Re: Things I Wish I Hadn't Said

Post by Cleon » Fri Dec 21, 2018 12:29 pm

In high school I was a bagger\stocker at grocery store. Once, in the middle of summer, I carried an older woman's groceries to her car and she popped the trunk for me to load them. Her trunk was filled with wrapped Christmas presents. I said, "Getting and early start, huh?" She replied, "Yes. The doctor said I might not make it to Christmas."
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