A Roman walks into a bar

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
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durangopipe
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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by durangopipe » Thu Dec 06, 2018 6:56 pm

After a few whiskeys, Hugodrax started telling us about the time he took his wife and kids to the Jersey shore. That was the time he was attacked by a Great White shark and was lucky to get back to the beach alive. I don’t understand it. Couldn’t he hear the music?
. . . be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

The most improper job of any man, even saints, is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity.. J.R.R. Tolkien

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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by UncleBob » Thu Dec 06, 2018 8:04 pm

durangopipe wrote:
Thu Dec 06, 2018 6:56 pm
After a few whiskeys, Hugodrax started telling us about the time he took his wife and kids to the Jersey shore. That was the time he was attacked by a Great White shark and was lucky to get back to the beach alive. I don’t understand it. Couldn’t he hear the music?
I thought sharks left lawyers alone. Professional courtesy and all.

:chili:
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"Many of the points here, taken to their logical conclusions, don't hold up to logic; they're simply Godded-up ways of saying "I don't like that." - Skip

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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by Jocose » Wed Dec 12, 2018 7:30 pm

Del chugs his last beer and turns to coco and says..

" I'm not hearing well with all of this "Good tunes for Friday listenin' playing so loud, I think I may go home"

coco responds

"You're not hearing well? Describe the symptoms"

Del responds:

"Well, Homer is a doofus, Marge has big blue hair and Bart rides a skateboard "
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS



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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by Jocose » Wed Dec 12, 2018 7:43 pm

Durango was heard talking to FredS

"Theres a new restaurant that was found on Mars, great food but no atmosphere"
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS



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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by Jocose » Wed Dec 12, 2018 7:47 pm

I asked Jim Van Halen if he could take me to taco bell for a snack.

Jim said he would if I could spell it so I said "forget it, how about we go to KFC instead?"
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS



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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by hugodrax » Wed Dec 26, 2018 5:50 pm

Jesus was standing protectively over the woman caught in adultery and said in His most fearsome tone: "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Suddenly, from the back of the crowd, a stone comes flying towards him, catching him in the shoulder.

"Mom---not you!"
Anser autem inimica mea, et ego audiam silentio beatus est.

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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by hugodrax » Wed Dec 26, 2018 5:55 pm

Brooklyn, New York, 1950's:

A good Irish cop was walking the beat when he saw the sidewalk blocked by bystanders looking up towards the top of a brownstone at a man about to jump.

"Stop," yelled the policeman, "think o' yer Father!"

"Ain't got one," replies the man, "I'm going to jump!"

"Well, what about yer family? They'd be derned sorry to see you go!," bellows Paddy, because of course that's his name.

"Ain't got none, " says the man.

"Then think on the Virgin Mother, and come down out o' there" says Paddy.

"Who?"

"Jump, ya fookin' Protestant. Yer holdin' up the traffic!"
Anser autem inimica mea, et ego audiam silentio beatus est.

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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by hugodrax » Wed Dec 26, 2018 5:59 pm

So little Sammy Finkelstein was having difficulty with his math, and his concerned parents made the difficult choice of enrolling him in the local parochial school. Suddenly, Sammy was aceing his tests, I mean a complete and total turn around. He became a progidy.

Curious, his rabbi asked what made the difference.

"Easy," came the reply. "When I saw that fellow nailed to the plus sign, I knew it was time to knuckle down. "
Anser autem inimica mea, et ego audiam silentio beatus est.

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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by hugodrax » Wed Dec 26, 2018 6:02 pm

Tony and Reuben were debating whether Tony's priest or Sammy's rabbi was the smartest man. Tony, of course, argues that his priest knew simply everything.

"Of course he does," says Sammy. "You tell him everything."
Anser autem inimica mea, et ego audiam silentio beatus est.

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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by hugodrax » Wed Dec 26, 2018 6:07 pm

A Jesuit and a Dominican were arguing about the greatness of their respective Orders.

They decided that they actually had a great deal in common. Both, after all, were founded by Spaniards (for those playing along at home, Saint Dominic for the Dominicans and St. Ignatius of Loyola for the Jesuits). Both were founded to combat heresy, the Domincans to stamp out the Albigensians and the Jesuits to put the lid on Protestantry.

Of course, nobody's seen an Albigensian in a long time....
Anser autem inimica mea, et ego audiam silentio beatus est.

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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by hugodrax » Wed Dec 26, 2018 6:09 pm

Feller walks up to a Franciscan friar and a Jesuit priest and asks how many novenas he'd have to say to get a Mercedes. Both religious were confused.

"What's a Mercedes?," asks the Franciscan.

"What's a novena?" Asked the Jesuit.
Anser autem inimica mea, et ego audiam silentio beatus est.

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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by hugodrax » Wed Dec 26, 2018 6:26 pm

Hymen and Mordechai were walking down the street, talking of the difficulties in making shekels in the rag-and-bone when they saw a signboard outside Our Lady of Perpetual Dissatisfaction announcing "Today Only, Fifty Dollar Bonus for Conversions!"

Hymen decides to do it. Times are tough and the money will come in handy. Besides, not like you have to actually believe, right? Mordechai was absolutely scandalized and impassionedly argues that both Jewish law and Jewish history absolutely forbade it and threatened to drag Hymen away until Hymen agreed to split the fifty dollars.

Two hours later, Hymen came out, praying the Rosary, the light of Grace shining forth for all the peoples to see. Reuben tries to get his attention, but Hymen is happily praying and utterly ignored him.

Exasperatedly, Reuben shouts, "Did you get the fifty bucks?"

Hymen is disgusted. He stops, makes the Sign of the Cross, and says: "Is that all you people think about????"
Anser autem inimica mea, et ego audiam silentio beatus est.

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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by durangopipe » Wed Dec 26, 2018 8:28 pm

A priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying, "I know that in your religion you're not supposed to eat pork. Have you actually ever tasted it? "

The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion." Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too...I know you're supposed to be celibate. But...."

The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice."

There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said,
"Better than pork, isn't it?"
. . . be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

The most improper job of any man, even saints, is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity.. J.R.R. Tolkien

2017 Morley - Outstanding BRATASS of the Year

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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by hugodrax » Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:32 pm

Priest, a Buddhist monk, and a rabbi each decide they need a haircut. Priest goes in first, tries to pay but the barber says there's no need, he knows he's a man of God and has taken a vow of poverty. Priest thanks him and says he will pray. The next day, the barber finds 10 valuable coins on the counter.

Buddhist monk goes the next day and gets a shave, goes to pay, again the kindly barber says he wont charge a religious man, the monk says he'll pray for him. The next morning, the barber finds ten fine Burmese rubies on the counter.

Rabbi goes in the next day, gets a trim (not the corners!). Asks to pay, the barber says he'll charge no flock's shepherd. Rabbi thanks him and says he'll pray for the barber.

Next day, ten Rabbis go in for a haircut....
Anser autem inimica mea, et ego audiam silentio beatus est.

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