A Roman walks into a bar

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
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Jocose
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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by Jocose » Sat Nov 24, 2018 6:36 pm

Gary grabs 2 cases of Jack Daniel's and skates out of the bar.

J-B yells out

"Wow, Gary sure can hold his liquor!!"
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS



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Jocose
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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by Jocose » Sat Nov 24, 2018 6:41 pm

Goose walks in and sits next to Morley.

Goose: I have a pencil that once belonged to William Shakespeare!

Morley: huh?

Goose: it looks like Shakespeare chewed it a lot and now I cant tell if its 2B or not 2B
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS



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Jocose
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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by Jocose » Sat Nov 24, 2018 6:46 pm

Everyone was looking around for Durangopipe

Thunk brings up his DP FB page.

DP status: its Friday and I'm about to hit the gym!

Then suddenly Durango walks in and everyone cheers. Someone pipes up and says " Your FB status said you were going to hit the gym?

Durangopipe yells out

"Typo, I meant Gin!! Now pour me a martini!"
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS



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Jocose
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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by Jocose » Sat Nov 24, 2018 6:57 pm

Codemonkey pulls up a barstool...

JimVH asks him how work is going.

Codemonkey: a guy stole the batteries out of my calculator today, he denies it but it's just not adding up...
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS



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Fainn
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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by Fainn » Tue Nov 27, 2018 10:01 pm

Hugrodrax and TNLP both pass the bar. Fainn with 2 "n"s then gets sued for using their likeness without permission.

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durangopipe
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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by durangopipe » Tue Nov 27, 2018 10:55 pm

Jocose wrote:
Sat Nov 24, 2018 6:46 pm
Everyone was looking around for Durangopipe

Thunk brings up his DP FB page.

DP status: its Friday and I'm about to hit the gym!

Then suddenly Durango walks in and everyone cheers. Someone pipes up and says " Your FB status said you were going to hit the gym?

Durangopipe yells out

"Typo, I meant Gin!! Now pour me a martini!"
Hey, Jo. Haven’t you heard? I’m not drinking anymore.



















Of course, I’m not drinking any less, either.
. . . be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

The most improper job of any man, even saints, is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity.. J.R.R. Tolkien

2017 Morley - Outstanding BRATASS of the Year

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Sir Moose
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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by Sir Moose » Tue Nov 27, 2018 11:17 pm

Then Fainn reaches into a bag and pulls a little piano out and sets it on the bar. Then he sets a matching piano stool in front of it. Finally he reaches in and pulls out a little man who promptly sits down and begins playing Mozart on the piano.

"That's amazing!" Hugo exclaims. "Where'd you get that?"

Fainn replies, "I got him from a guy in a little shop down the street that grants wishes."

"Ooh--give me directions. I have a few thoughts about the ABA test that I would love to get taken care of."

Fainn gives him directions, but then cautions, "When you make your wish, make sure you speak up and enunciate well. I think the guy's a bit deaf."

"Why do you say that?"

Fainn looks at Hugo incredulously. "Do you honestly believe that I wished for a twelve inch pianist?"
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by Jocose » Tue Nov 27, 2018 11:37 pm

Fainn wrote:
Tue Nov 27, 2018 10:01 pm
.... Fainn with 2 "n"s ...
Feignn?
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS



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Jocose
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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by Jocose » Tue Nov 27, 2018 11:41 pm

Sir Moose wrote:
Tue Nov 27, 2018 11:17 pm
Then Fainn reaches into a bag and pulls a little piano out and sets it on the bar. Then he sets a matching piano stool in front of it. Finally he reaches in and pulls out a little man who promptly sits down and begins playing Mozart on the piano.

"That's amazing!" Hugo exclaims. "Where'd you get that?"

Fainn replies, "I got him from a guy in a little shop down the street that grants wishes."

"Ooh--give me directions. I have a few thoughts about the ABA test that I would love to get taken care of."

Fainn gives him directions, but then cautions, "When you make your wish, make sure you speak up and enunciate well. I think the guy's a bit deaf."

"Why do you say that?"

Fainn looks at Hugo incredulously. "Do you honestly believe that I wished for a twelve inch pianist?"
I can't relate™.
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS



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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by FredS » Wed Nov 28, 2018 9:38 am

Then Uncle Bob and Del get in to a scuffle.

Coco breaks them up and asks "What the H-E-double-hockey-sticks is going on!?"

Del says "I don't know. I said Spanish jokes make me españlol and he just came at me."
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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by TNLawPiper » Sun Dec 02, 2018 2:54 pm

Sir Moose wrote:
Tue Nov 27, 2018 11:17 pm
Then Fainn reaches into a bag and pulls a little piano out and sets it on the bar. Then he sets a matching piano stool in front of it. Finally he reaches in and pulls out a little man who promptly sits down and begins playing Mozart on the piano.

"That's amazing!" Hugo exclaims. "Where'd you get that?"

Fainn replies, "I got him from a guy in a little shop down the street that grants wishes."

"Ooh--give me directions. I have a few thoughts about the ABA test that I would love to get taken care of."

Fainn gives him directions, but then cautions, "When you make your wish, make sure you speak up and enunciate well. I think the guy's a bit deaf."

"Why do you say that?"

Fainn looks at Hugo incredulously. "Do you honestly believe that I wished for a twelve inch pianist?"
Got me rollin dude

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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by TNLawPiper » Sun Dec 02, 2018 2:55 pm

I give the first page a solid 7/10. The second page barely musters a 5, save for The Moose’s joke.

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Del
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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by Del » Sun Dec 02, 2018 4:01 pm

Jocose wrote:
Sat Nov 24, 2018 6:33 pm
GaryinVa skates in, Ollies up on the bar spilling many drinks..

Gary now has everyone's attention and yells..

"Guys! Guys! What's brown and sticky?!"





" A stick!"
This has gotta be the Grand-Daddy of dad jokes.
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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by hugodrax » Sun Dec 02, 2018 5:38 pm

You guys hear the one about the Jewish feller that walked into a bar?
Etiam mihi opinio anserem perirent.

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Jocose
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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by Jocose » Thu Dec 06, 2018 6:19 pm

Jocose of the south walks up to coco of the North and sez..

JotS: I just bought my wife a prosthetic leg for Xmas!

cotN: oh really?

JotS: Yeah, it's just a stocking stuffer tho..
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS



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Jocose
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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by Jocose » Thu Dec 06, 2018 6:27 pm

Then a still shoeless and now pantsless Jim Van Halen gets up on the pool table and begins to dance..

RM yells out

"Nice Legs!"

coco of the North then shouts..

They better be, with all of that weight up there, I'd hate to see the table collapse!
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS



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Jocose
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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by Jocose » Thu Dec 06, 2018 6:32 pm

Then sysiphus walks in and orders a Heineken..

The barkeep questions his age and asks for an ID

sys says

I lost my ID

The barkeep says

Ok, I guess now you're known only as Dav
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS



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durangopipe
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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by durangopipe » Thu Dec 06, 2018 6:41 pm

I’m sipping my martini when jo pipes up, “I think my neighbor is stalking me. She's been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.”
. . . be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

The most improper job of any man, even saints, is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity.. J.R.R. Tolkien

2017 Morley - Outstanding BRATASS of the Year

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durangopipe
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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by durangopipe » Thu Dec 06, 2018 6:43 pm

Cleon said he was going to look for his missing watch, but he could never find the time.
. . . be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

The most improper job of any man, even saints, is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity.. J.R.R. Tolkien

2017 Morley - Outstanding BRATASS of the Year

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durangopipe
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Re: A Roman walks into a bar

Post by durangopipe » Thu Dec 06, 2018 6:46 pm

RevThom had one too many and started getting sentimental. Talking about his misspent youth he slurred out, “I used to be in a band, we were called 'lost dog'. You probably saw our posters.”
. . . be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

The most improper job of any man, even saints, is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity.. J.R.R. Tolkien

2017 Morley - Outstanding BRATASS of the Year

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