2019 Calandar

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
Post Reply
User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1552
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Tue Feb 12, 2019 8:56 am

Which American president was the least guilty?

Abraham Lincoln. He was in a cent.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1552
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Wed Feb 13, 2019 7:50 am

What did one bell say to another?

Be my Valenchime.

User avatar
Stanley76
Deputy Sheriff of Mayberry
Deputy Sheriff of Mayberry
Posts: 1615
Joined: Fri Jan 25, 2019 6:50 pm
Location: Pungo River NC

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Stanley76 » Wed Feb 13, 2019 7:58 am

I met a lady in the generic aisle at the grocery store. Her name was Woman.
"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1552
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Fri Feb 15, 2019 9:10 am

What did the orca say to his valentine?

Whale you be mine?

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1552
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Fri Feb 15, 2019 9:10 am

The only thing that flat-earthers fear is sphere itself.

User avatar
hugodrax
UncleHugo the Tobbaconist
UncleHugo the Tobbaconist
Posts: 19702
Joined: Fri Jan 25, 2013 6:00 pm
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Contact:

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by hugodrax » Fri Feb 15, 2019 10:05 am

Winton wrote:
Fri Feb 15, 2019 9:10 am
The only thing that flat-earthers fear is sphere itself.
Stolen!
Notre Dame de Paris, priez pour nous y comprise les Jesuites.

User avatar
UncleBob
CPS Theological Dogmatician
CPS Theological Dogmatician
Posts: 37277
Joined: Tue Aug 03, 2004 6:00 pm
Location: Lubbock, TX USA
Contact:

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by UncleBob » Fri Feb 15, 2019 11:17 am

Winton wrote:
Fri Feb 15, 2019 9:10 am
The only thing that flat-earthers fear is sphere itself.
Image
"One man's theology is another man's belly laugh." - Robert A. Heinlein

"Many of the points here, taken to their logical conclusions, don't hold up to logic; they're simply Godded-up ways of saying "I don't like that." - Skip

"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." -Mark Twain

User avatar
Sir Moose
CPS Curry Chef
CPS Curry Chef
Posts: 3969
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2015 1:17 am
Location: NW Washington (not Canada)
Contact:

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Sir Moose » Sun Feb 17, 2019 10:32 pm

UncleBob wrote:
Fri Feb 15, 2019 11:17 am
Winton wrote:
Fri Feb 15, 2019 9:10 am
The only thing that flat-earthers fear is sphere itself.
Image
Flat-earthers are frowned upon by environmentalists, because they always travel on a plane.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

User avatar
Jocose
a very large Chinese lizard man named Wu
a very large Chinese lizard man named Wu
Posts: 22885
Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2008 6:00 pm
Location: Moonbase Alpha
Contact:

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Jocose » Mon Feb 18, 2019 3:10 am

Sir Moose wrote:
Sun Feb 17, 2019 10:32 pm
UncleBob wrote:
Fri Feb 15, 2019 11:17 am
Winton wrote:
Fri Feb 15, 2019 9:10 am
The only thing that flat-earthers fear is sphere itself.
Image
Flat-earthers are frowned upon by environmentalists, because they always travel on a plane.
The above joke is worse than Al Gore's [wait, is it "Goreses" or "Gore's" or just "Gores"?] carbon footprint.

#theimpudent

EDIT: #Theimpudent

#TheImpudent

#The Impudent

?
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS

"Other vessels will work, but the idealality of the Spam can cannot be contested." ~ JimVH

"The yutz is silly Jocose. I have him foed yet still have to view his stupid and annoying thread titles." ~ Goose55

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1552
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Mon Feb 18, 2019 7:55 am

What would you do if a bull charged you?

Pay whatever it charged.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1552
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Mon Feb 18, 2019 7:56 am

Did you hear about the guy who was fired from the keyboard factory? He wasn't putting in enough shifts.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1552
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Tue Feb 19, 2019 8:03 am

What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks!

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1552
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Thu Feb 21, 2019 9:36 am

A skunk was arrested for counterfeiting. He apparently gave out bad scents.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1552
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Thu Feb 21, 2019 9:37 am

How can you double your money?

by folding it in half.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1552
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Fri Feb 22, 2019 8:48 am

Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project about trains? He had to keep track of everything!

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1552
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Sat Feb 23, 2019 5:19 pm

What happens when a frog's car breaks down?

It gets toad away.

User avatar
Adam Z
Jam Band Music Minister
Jam Band Music Minister
Posts: 1194
Joined: Mon May 14, 2018 9:35 pm
Location: North Carolina
Contact:

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Adam Z » Sat Feb 23, 2019 6:53 pm

Now I can get revenge on my children by making them listen to me read this thread out loud. :twisted:
I tend to find the doctrinal books often more helpful in devotion than the devotional books.... I believe that many who find that "nothing happens" when they sit down, or kneel down, to a book of devotion, would find that the heart sings unbidden while they are working their way through a rough bit of theology with a pipe in their teeth and a pencil in their hand.
- C.S. Lewis

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1552
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Mon Feb 25, 2019 7:14 am

I'm not happy being a glue salesman, but I will stick with it.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1552
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Mon Mar 04, 2019 2:44 pm

I gave all my dead batteries away today, free of charge.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1552
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Mon Mar 04, 2019 2:44 pm

What are prehistoric creatures called when they sleep?

Dinosnores!

Post Reply