PUNS! That's what's happenin'!

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
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Jocose
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Re: PUNS! That's what's happenin'!

Post by Jocose » Mon Jun 17, 2019 12:03 pm

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"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS

"Other vessels will work, but the idealality of the Spam can cannot be contested." ~ JimVH

"The yutz is silly Jocose. I have him foed yet still have to view his stupid and annoying thread titles." ~ Goose55

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CodeMonkey
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Re: PUNS! That's what's happenin'!

Post by CodeMonkey » Mon Jun 17, 2019 5:50 pm

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“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play” – Newspaper reporter.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" - Homer Simpson

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Jocose
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Re: PUNS! That's what's happenin'!

Post by Jocose » Tue Jun 25, 2019 6:34 am

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"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS

"Other vessels will work, but the idealality of the Spam can cannot be contested." ~ JimVH

"The yutz is silly Jocose. I have him foed yet still have to view his stupid and annoying thread titles." ~ Goose55

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CodeMonkey
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Re: PUNS! That's what's happenin'!

Post by CodeMonkey » Tue Jun 25, 2019 5:55 pm

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“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play” – Newspaper reporter.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" - Homer Simpson

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Hovannes
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Re: PUNS! That's what's happenin'!

Post by Hovannes » Wed Jul 10, 2019 3:34 pm

A Spanish magician would try to count to three when he performed tricks.
When on stage he'd say "Uno...dos..." then disappeared without a tres.
"What doesn't kill you, gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor."

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Hovannes
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Re: PUNS! That's what's happenin'!

Post by Hovannes » Fri Jul 19, 2019 8:34 am

What is the difference between a "Hippo" and a "Zippo"?

One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
"What doesn't kill you, gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor."

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CodeMonkey
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Re: PUNS! That's what's happenin'!

Post by CodeMonkey » Mon Aug 19, 2019 9:05 pm

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“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play” – Newspaper reporter.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" - Homer Simpson

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durangopipe
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Re: PUNS! That's what's happenin'!

Post by durangopipe » Mon Aug 19, 2019 9:25 pm

What’s a nuclear scientist’s favorite food? Fission chips.
. . . be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

The most improper job of any man, even saints, is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity.. J.R.R. Tolkien

2017 Morley - Outstanding BRATASS of the Year

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Jocose
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Re: PUNS! That's what's happenin'!

Post by Jocose » Mon Aug 19, 2019 9:56 pm

CodeMonkey wrote:
Mon Aug 19, 2019 9:05 pm
Image
:D
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS

"Other vessels will work, but the idealality of the Spam can cannot be contested." ~ JimVH

"The yutz is silly Jocose. I have him foed yet still have to view his stupid and annoying thread titles." ~ Goose55

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CodeMonkey
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Re: PUNS! That's what's happenin'!

Post by CodeMonkey » Tue Aug 20, 2019 6:02 pm

What do you call a double feature of disaster movies Earthquake and Towering Inferno? Shake and Bake
“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play” – Newspaper reporter.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" - Homer Simpson

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Jocose
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Re: PUNS! That's what's happenin'!

Post by Jocose » Tue Aug 20, 2019 7:29 pm

My wife gets mad if I mess with her Red wine.

I added some fruit and OJ to it and now she's sangria than ever.
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS

"Other vessels will work, but the idealality of the Spam can cannot be contested." ~ JimVH

"The yutz is silly Jocose. I have him foed yet still have to view his stupid and annoying thread titles." ~ Goose55

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Re: PUNS! That's what's happenin'!

Post by Sir Moose » Wed Aug 21, 2019 12:27 pm

Long Drink in Callahan's Crosstime Saloon by Spider Robinson wrote: Gentlemen, the story I am about to relate takes place in the distant future. Interstellar travel is commonplace; contacts with alien races are familiar experiences. One day, however, a planet is discovered out Antares way whose sole inhabitant is an enormous humanoid, about three miles high and made of granite. At first, it is mistaken for an immense statue left by some vanished race of giants, for it squats motionless on a yellow plain, exhibiting no outward sign of life. It has legs, but it never rises to walk on them. It has a mouth, but never eats or speaks. It has what appears to be a perfectly functional brain, the size of a four-story condominium, but the organ lies dormant, electrochemical activity at a standstill. Yet it lives.
This puzzles the hell out of the scientists, who try everything they can think of to get some sign of life from the behemoth--in vain. It just squats, motionless and seemingly thoughtless, until one day a xenobiologist, frustrated beyond endurance, screams, "How could evolution give legs, mouth, and brain to a creature that doesn't use them?"
It happens that he's the first one to ask a direct question in the thing's presence. It rises with a thunderous rumble to its full height, scattering the clouds, thinks for a second, booms, "IT COULDN'T," and squats down again.
"Migod," exclaims the xenobiologist, "Of course! It only stands to reason!"
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

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CodeMonkey
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Re: PUNS! That's what's happenin'!

Post by CodeMonkey » Wed Aug 21, 2019 9:31 pm

Image
“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play” – Newspaper reporter.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" - Homer Simpson

User avatar
CodeMonkey
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Re: PUNS! That's what's happenin'!

Post by CodeMonkey » Sat Dec 07, 2019 1:04 pm

Image
“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play” – Newspaper reporter.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" - Homer Simpson

User avatar
durangopipe
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Re: PUNS! That's what's happenin'!

Post by durangopipe » Sat Dec 07, 2019 2:46 pm

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Once, I farted in an elevator.
It was wrong on so many levels
. . . be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

The most improper job of any man, even saints, is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity.. J.R.R. Tolkien

2017 Morley - Outstanding BRATASS of the Year

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CodeMonkey
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Re: PUNS! That's what's happenin'!

Post by CodeMonkey » Sat Dec 07, 2019 3:31 pm

Image
“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play” – Newspaper reporter.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" - Homer Simpson

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