TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
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AFRS
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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by AFRS » Tue Nov 10, 2020 8:18 pm

hugodrax wrote:
Tue Nov 10, 2020 6:07 pm
AFRS wrote:
Tue Nov 10, 2020 4:11 pm
hugodrax wrote:
Tue Nov 10, 2020 1:46 pm
My butt remains unchapped.
Your wife must be pleased.
All wives must be pleased. Mine is no exception.
My wife says the condition of your butt is of no concern to her. However, should you find yourself being chapped, a generous helping of Vaseline should take care of it.


OoooOoooOOOOoooo that would be squidgy.

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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by ReverendThom » Wed Nov 11, 2020 7:25 am

DepartedLight wrote:
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Don't worry, Europeans find Americans delightful.
"Pipe smokers used to be among the smartest people walking around. It's not true anymore." - Rusty

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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by Fainn » Wed Nov 11, 2020 1:28 pm

I bet RevThom has the most chapped anything wear he lives.
Opinions are like butts. Everyone has one, but mine is the best.

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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by AFRS » Wed Nov 11, 2020 4:49 pm

Fainn wrote:
Wed Nov 11, 2020 1:28 pm
I bet RevThom has the most chapped anything wear he lives.
Even the mosquitoes are chapped.

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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by DepartedLight » Wed Nov 11, 2020 5:35 pm

ReverendThom wrote:
Wed Nov 11, 2020 7:25 am
DepartedLight wrote:
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Don't worry, Europeans find Americans delightful.
:lol: :lol:
DL Jake

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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by AFRS » Wed Nov 11, 2020 7:29 pm

DepartedLight wrote:
Wed Nov 11, 2020 5:35 pm
ReverendThom wrote:
Wed Nov 11, 2020 7:25 am
DepartedLight wrote:
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Don't worry, Europeans find Americans delightful.
:lol: :lol:
Which is why they call them 'Ugly Americans". :D :lol: :) :P

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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by ReverendThom » Wed Nov 11, 2020 10:44 pm

Fainn wrote:I bet RevThom has the most chapped anything wear he lives.
Pro tip: diaper cream is not just for babies and works on many areas
"Pipe smokers used to be among the smartest people walking around. It's not true anymore." - Rusty

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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by DepartedLight » Wed Nov 11, 2020 10:48 pm

ReverendThom wrote:
Wed Nov 11, 2020 10:44 pm
Fainn wrote:I bet RevThom has the most chapped anything wear he lives.
Pro tip: diaper cream is not just for babies and works on many areas
oh lawdy he ain't just ref'd taint did he?
DL Jake

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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by Fainn » Fri Nov 13, 2020 4:21 pm

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Opinions are like butts. Everyone has one, but mine is the best.

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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by AFRS » Fri Nov 13, 2020 7:26 pm

Fainn wrote:
Fri Nov 13, 2020 4:21 pm
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So HIS ass will be chapped rather than yours.

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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by DepartedLight » Fri Nov 13, 2020 9:17 pm

AFRS wrote:
Fri Nov 13, 2020 7:26 pm
Fainn wrote:
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So HIS ass will be chapped rather than yours.
It's diarrhea.

Ring Sting is more likely than the far lands of ass chappery.
DL Jake

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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by BeefyG » Sat Nov 14, 2020 11:52 am

We’re decorating for Christmas today because my wife is having knee surgery at the beginning of December. Let me have my turkey first, woman!

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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by sweetandsour » Sat Nov 14, 2020 2:39 pm

The red and blue fundraising machines both have my number and it's like a virus that I can't get rid of. I text back stop but they keep coming, and they must have cookies or something planted on my phone that detects whenever I'm using my phone or receiving other texts, because that's when they flood in. I tried donating a couple dollars, but boy that was a mistake.
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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by JimVH » Sat Nov 14, 2020 4:03 pm

sweetandsour wrote:
Sat Nov 14, 2020 2:39 pm
The red and blue fundraising machines both have my number and it's like a virus that I can't get rid of. I text back stop but they keep coming, and they must have cookies or something planted on my phone that detects whenever I'm using my phone or receiving other texts, because that's when they flood in. I tried donating a couple dollars, but boy that was a mistake.
I’m getting both by phone and text.

Irritating.
"The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days." Ray Wylie Hubbard

"Your boos mean nothing. I see what you cheer." Kevin Sorbo

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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by BeefyG » Sat Nov 14, 2020 5:28 pm

JimVH wrote:
sweetandsour wrote:
Sat Nov 14, 2020 2:39 pm
The red and blue fundraising machines both have my number and it's like a virus that I can't get rid of. I text back stop but they keep coming, and they must have cookies or something planted on my phone that detects whenever I'm using my phone or receiving other texts, because that's when they flood in. I tried donating a couple dollars, but boy that was a mistake.
I’m getting both by phone and text.

Irritating.
I’ve been getting the texts but for some reason they use my wife’s name. I reply back “I’m not who you were texting but she sounds pretty. Is she single?” They never reply back

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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by JimVH » Sat Nov 14, 2020 7:42 pm

BeefyG wrote:
Sat Nov 14, 2020 5:28 pm
JimVH wrote:
sweetandsour wrote:
Sat Nov 14, 2020 2:39 pm
The red and blue fundraising machines both have my number and it's like a virus that I can't get rid of. I text back stop but they keep coming, and they must have cookies or something planted on my phone that detects whenever I'm using my phone or receiving other texts, because that's when they flood in. I tried donating a couple dollars, but boy that was a mistake.
I’m getting both by phone and text.

Irritating.
I’ve been getting the texts but for some reason they use my wife’s name. I reply back “I’m not who you were texting but she sounds pretty. Is she single?” They never reply back
:)
"The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days." Ray Wylie Hubbard

"Your boos mean nothing. I see what you cheer." Kevin Sorbo

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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by Fainn » Sun Nov 15, 2020 9:51 am

People who claim to have the gift of prophecy and those that believe them. Everything we need to know is in the Bible. Stop making other Christians look foolish and God a liar.
Opinions are like butts. Everyone has one, but mine is the best.

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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by Fainn » Tue Nov 17, 2020 9:18 pm

I don't have any pipe smoking brothers to give additional hell to on this website. I got stuck with a non-smoking sister.
Opinions are like butts. Everyone has one, but mine is the best.

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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by Sir Moose » Wed Nov 18, 2020 3:47 pm

Fainn wrote:
Tue Nov 17, 2020 9:18 pm
I don't have any pipe smoking brothers to give additional hell to on this website. I got stuck with a non-smoking sister.
There's a joke here about the South, smoking sisters, and family trees without branches, but I'm not going to make it.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

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Re: TTCMA: Things That Chap My Ass

Post by Fainn » Sun Nov 22, 2020 10:18 am

The following prayers:

The shame prayer-- I've been praying that God would fix all the things in your life I don't agree with. Yeah, I've been praying you'd stop being a butt.
God's will prayer -- only prayed when you have a chance at a better opportunity than they do. Or a terminally ill person rather than praying for full recovery.
The deadline prayer -- I know that God will answer this prayer by the end of the week.
The World Record prayer -- God, Lord, and Lord-God are said so much you that you forget what you were supposed to be praying about.
The Marathon Prayer --- goes on until the food is sufficently cold.
Opinions are like butts. Everyone has one, but mine is the best.

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