Funny motivational quotes

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Hovannes
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Funny motivational quotes

Post by Hovannes » Sat Nov 23, 2019 6:28 pm

from somewhere on the web----I don't know who originally compiled them, where, or why---

1. “When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.” – Unknown
2. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke
3. “Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” – Jeffrey Gitomer
4. “Every tattoo is temporary, because we’re all slowly dying.” – Unknown
5. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” – Michael Scott
6. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Unknown
7. “It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
8. “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain
9. “The best things in life are actually really expensive.” – Unknown
10. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers
11. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” – Laurel Thatcher Ulric
12 “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.” – Unknown
13. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” – Mark Twain
14. “Always remember that you are unique  –  just like everybody else.” – Unknown
15. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz
16. “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” – Robert Bloch
17. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde
18. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
19. “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” – Robert Benchley
20. “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible!” – Audrey Hepburn
21st of 60 Funny Motivational Quotes
“The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein
22. “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett
23. “When I hear somebody sigh, “Life is hard”, I am always tempted to ask, “Compared to what?”” – Sydney Harris
24. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” – Steven Wright
25. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin
26. “Bad decisions make good stories.” – Ellis Vidler
27. “Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.” – Unknown
28. “Happiness is just sadness that hasn’t happened yet.” – Unknown
29. “I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” – Louis Agassiz
30. “If the world didn’t suck we’d all fly into space.” – Unknown
31. “Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.” – Dwight D. Eisenhower
32. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
33. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” – Joe Girard
34. “Think like a proton. Always positive.” – Unknown
35th of 60 Funny Motivational Quotes
“When I’m sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.” – Barney Stinson
36. “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” – Jack London
37. “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” – Unknown
38. “Be happy  –  it drives people crazy.” – Unknown
39. “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” – Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
40. “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” – Franklin P. Jones
41. “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin
42. “If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” – Elvis Presley
43. “Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer
44. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
45. “The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.” – Unknown
46. “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.” – Mae West
47. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite
48. “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” – Sam Levenson
49. “A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” – Justin Sewell
50th of 60 Funny Motivational Quotes
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost
51. “Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers
52. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
53. “I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches.” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth
54. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
55. “Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” – Jason Love
56. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – Winnie the Pooh
57. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand
58. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” – Homer Simpson
59. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” – Marilyn Monroe
60. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” – Robin Williams
Last edited by Hovannes on Sat Nov 23, 2019 7:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"What doesn't kill you, gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor."

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mont974x4
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Re: Funny motivational quotes

Post by mont974x4 » Sat Nov 23, 2019 6:44 pm

Nice


Hello FredS
It sounded better when the voices in my head were saying it.

Ire attracter-at-large and general misanthrope.

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Re: Funny motivational quotes

Post by durangopipe » Sun Nov 24, 2019 10:28 am

#38

Words to live by.
. . . be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

The most improper job of any man, even saints, is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity.. J.R.R. Tolkien

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Re: Funny motivational quotes

Post by CodeMonkey » Sun Nov 24, 2019 1:09 pm

Image
“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play” – Newspaper reporter.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" - Homer Simpson

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Re: Funny motivational quotes

Post by CodeMonkey » Sun Nov 24, 2019 1:13 pm

Image
“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play” – Newspaper reporter.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" - Homer Simpson

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Re: Funny motivational quotes

Post by CodeMonkey » Sun Nov 24, 2019 1:20 pm

Image
“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play” – Newspaper reporter.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" - Homer Simpson

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Re: Funny motivational quotes

Post by CodeMonkey » Sun Nov 24, 2019 10:20 pm

Image
“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play” – Newspaper reporter.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" - Homer Simpson

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durangopipe
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Re: Funny motivational quotes

Post by durangopipe » Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:04 am

For coco:

Image
. . . be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

The most improper job of any man, even saints, is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity.. J.R.R. Tolkien

2017 Morley - Outstanding BRATASS of the Year

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Re: Funny motivational quotes

Post by Del » Mon Nov 25, 2019 2:11 pm

ImageImage
REMEMBER THE KAVANAUGH!

"I shall not wear a crown of gold where my Master wore a crown of thorns." - Godfrey de Bouillon

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Re: Funny motivational quotes

Post by CodeMonkey » Mon Nov 25, 2019 6:13 pm

Image
“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play” – Newspaper reporter.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" - Homer Simpson

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CodeMonkey
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Re: Funny motivational quotes

Post by CodeMonkey » Sun Dec 01, 2019 6:10 pm

Image
“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play” – Newspaper reporter.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" - Homer Simpson

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durangopipe
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Re: Funny motivational quotes

Post by durangopipe » Mon Dec 02, 2019 1:02 am

Image
. . . be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

The most improper job of any man, even saints, is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity.. J.R.R. Tolkien

2017 Morley - Outstanding BRATASS of the Year

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Re: Funny motivational quotes

Post by CodeMonkey » Mon Dec 02, 2019 7:35 pm

Image
“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play” – Newspaper reporter.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" - Homer Simpson

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