The Best Puke Post Ever

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
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coco
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Post by coco » Sun Mar 30, 2014 10:21 am

Just sitting here in the recliner, chum bucket at my side, watching some movies on Netflix:

Indiana Groans and the Temple of Spume
Wyatt Urp
Twilight: Barking Prawns
Dry Heaving Miss Daisy
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (ya don't have to do anything with that one, huh?)

Good times!
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Re: The Best Puke Post Ever

Post by Roadmaster » Sat Dec 13, 2014 10:09 am

Lots of good one here, hope this one is worthy to be included.

I was setting in the back of a tour bus taking about an hour long sight seeing trip.

Had a cup of coffee from a machine just before boarding the bus that didn’t sit well.

The bus was crowded but two young guys caught my attention as they were very bored with everything.

As the bus was getting close to bring us back to our cars I realized the coffee had make me sick and I was about to barf.

I was holding it trying to get off the bus before eruption and finally the bus stopped pointed pretty steeply down hill.

Just as the driver opened the door here came the coffee along with my breakfast.

One of the young guys was first to exit the bus but the other one got stuck in the crowd.

I was in the back but my barf ran all the way to the front of the bus getting on folks’ shoes.

Needles to say not only did I felt bad but was embarrassed as well.

When I finally got off the bus I noticed one of the young guys went and got the other.

They both got back on the bus to check out the upchuck.

It was the only redeeming thing about the whole trip for them.
Oh Mighty Cobfather, return and smite the interlopers.

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Re: The Best Puke Post Ever

Post by SteveH » Sat Dec 13, 2014 10:59 am

Talkimng to God on the big white telephone.
I don't bother with a Jacuzzi - I just fart in the bath.

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Re: The Best Puke Post Ever

Post by AFRS » Sun Dec 14, 2014 2:32 pm

Roadmaster wrote:
When I finally got off the bus I noticed one of the young guys went and got the other.

They both got back on the bus to check out the upchuck.

It was the only redeeming thing about the whole trip for them.
Petey incarnate.

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Re: The Best Puke Post Ever

Post by TNLawPiper » Thu Jul 14, 2016 2:39 pm

Eight and a half years ago, this thread. Still solid gold.

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Re:

Post by Cleon » Thu Jul 14, 2016 3:05 pm

hugodrax wrote:As a child, my nickname was Vomitron.
And to think this didn't stick. Hmmm?
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Re: The Best Puke Post Ever

Post by FredS » Thu Jul 14, 2016 3:19 pm

A couple of weeks ago I was working late in the shop, sanding pipes stems and smoking a vitamin N enriched cigar. All was well until I stood up, and I knew right away that it was not going to end well. But you know how you do when you're a grown ass man:

You convince yourself that no damn cigar is going to get the better of you and you set about doing what you can to hold it down. You just need to eat something to settle your stomach. So you rummage through the fridge at 2:00 in the morning looking for something bland. And you find a Snickers bar in the freezer so you eat it. Then you feel better so you eat some ice cream too. And have a glass of pink lemonade and a peanut butter and jelly sammich. Then you sit in your favorite recliner and turn on the tv to let everything settle. Only it doesn't settle. You know the feeling right?

My wretching woke up the wife and daughter #3 who's home from college. She (the daughter) got such a kick out of the old man blowing chunks that she texted her two older sisters who don't live at home. Then the four of them - the loves of my life - are all texting each other in the middle of the night having a good laugh at my expense.
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Re: The Best Puke Post Ever

Post by coco » Thu Jul 14, 2016 3:24 pm

FredS wrote:A couple of weeks ago I was working late in the shop, sanding pipes stems and smoking a vitamin N enriched cigar. All was well until I stood up, and I knew right away that it was not going to end well. But you know how you do when you're a grown ass man:

You convince yourself that no damn cigar is going to get the better of you and you set about doing what you can to hold it down. You just need to eat something to settle your stomach. So you rummage through the fridge at 2:00 in the morning looking for something bland. And you find a Snickers bar in the freezer so you eat it. Then you feel better so you eat some ice cream too. And have a glass of pink lemonade and a peanut butter and jelly sammich. Then you sit in your favorite recliner and turn on the tv to let everything settle. Only it doesn't settle. You know the feeling right?

My wretching woke up the wife and daughter #3 who's home from college. She (the daughter) got such a kick out of the old man blowing chunks that she texted her two older sisters who don't live at home. Then the four of them - the loves of my life - are all texting each other in the middle of the night having a good laugh at my expense.
To bad she didn't Snapchat it.
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Re: The Best Puke Post Ever

Post by TNLawPiper » Thu Jul 14, 2016 3:43 pm

FredS wrote:A couple of weeks ago I was working late in the shop, sanding pipes stems and smoking a vitamin N enriched cigar. All was well until I stood up, and I knew right away that it was not going to end well. But you know how you do when you're a grown ass man:

You convince yourself that no damn cigar is going to get the better of you and you set about doing what you can to hold it down. You just need to eat something to settle your stomach. So you rummage through the fridge at 2:00 in the morning looking for something bland. And you find a Snickers bar in the freezer so you eat it. Then you feel better so you eat some ice cream too. And have a glass of pink lemonade and a peanut butter and jelly sammich. Then you sit in your favorite recliner and turn on the tv to let everything settle. Only it doesn't settle. You know the feeling right?

My wretching woke up the wife and daughter #3 who's home from college. She (the daughter) got such a kick out of the old man blowing chunks that she texted her two older sisters who don't live at home. Then the four of them - the loves of my life - are all texting each other in the middle of the night having a good laugh at my expense.
I thought you only had two daughters. Were you tripping so hard you created a third daughter out of thin air?

Poor Fred. Praying.

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Re: The Best Puke Post Ever

Post by FredS » Thu Jul 14, 2016 4:17 pm

No, there's three of 'em. Ages 29, 24, 21. And I'm perpetually broke. And my hair's gone gray.

But let's not sidetrack the puke thread.
"If we ever get to heaven boys, it aint because we aint done nothin' wrong" - Kris Kristofferson

"One of the things I love about CPS is the frank and enthusiastic dysfunction here. God help me, I do love it so." – OldWorldSwine

"I'd like to put a hook in that puppet and swing it through a bunch of salmon!" - durangopipe

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Re: Re:

Post by Cleon » Mon Dec 18, 2017 9:05 am

From the thread Chalk a White Cross on the Door
Vomitron wrote:
Sat Dec 16, 2017 8:38 am
Two out of my three children have what can only be described as the plague. No actual buboes, per se, but it's early days. We were awoken in the darkening by the unmistakable splat of vomitus missing the toilet, eliciting the instinctual response brought about my training in the ancient Scottish martial art of Pheoeck Ewe.

It transpired the only reason it happened was because the child in question was sitting on said toilet, copiously and vigorously evacuating her intestinal accumulations when the pukening took her by surprise.

Third child has a bellyache, leading me to believe that we shall be in the throws of bi-elimination by the time we're scheduled to be watching Star Wars at the local omnimax. And the little bastiges are going, too. They need to learn that when one is scheduled to host one's friends at festive gatherings, one damned well hosts one's friends at festive gatherings. Corked, if necessary.
"Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven" - Jesus

"More people need to put their big boy britches on." - JMG

"Dang, a pipe slap." - JimVH

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