Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
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FredS
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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by FredS » Wed Feb 14, 2018 4:35 pm

FredS wrote:
Tue Feb 13, 2018 1:09 pm
One of the most difficult parts of moving to a new state has been leaving our church home and small group family. I've visited five churches around our new home, Mrs FredS has been to nine. I'm discouraged that none will have services on Ash Wednesday. In fact. one has cancelled Wednesday evening bible study this week in deference to Valentines Day.

So I've gone old school and investigated the local Anglican, Episcopalian, and even the Lutheran churches. They all have Ash Wednesday services scheduled, but unfortunately, none of them offer any music other than choirs, and that just won't cut it as a long-term choice.

Why is it so difficult for Protestant churches to observe Lent? It's not a Catholic™ thing, it's a Christian thing.
Geeze Louise.

One of the churches sent a SWAT team over last night. Two guys and a gal. I was working so I didn't answer the doorbell. When they knocked I decided to be nice and open the door. I told them I was working and didn't have time to visit but they wanted to make small talk, so I stepped out on the porch and visited without inviting them in. How do you like the town, where'd you move from, children, church background, etc. The one of the guys said "One of the things I normally ask if we were invited in to visit is 'If you died today and stood before God, what would you say for yourself and can you be sure of your salvation?'" I told him I'm a baptized child of God who does his best every day to follow Jesus. I don't deserve heaven any more or less than he does and yes, I'm sure. Our 'hope' in Jesus is not a wish, but a promise.

He said, 'Wow. That's good. I'd like to talk to you some more." I said I'd told them already that I was busy and I'd given them all the time I cared to, then I wished them a good evening, excused myself, and went inside.

I know their hearts are in it, but they just got themselves crossed off our list. I'm keeping the cool coffee cup though.
"If we ever get to heaven boys, it aint because we aint done nothin' wrong" - Kris Kristofferson

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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by FredS » Wed Feb 14, 2018 4:41 pm

Also, I never feel obligated to answer the door or telephone if I'm busy or simply not in the mood to be human. It drives Mrs FredS nuts, but I figure I have no obligation at all to interact with the caller or visitor. Ninety nine times out of one hundred they are the one who needs something or would benefit from my time.

Get off my lawn punk.
"If we ever get to heaven boys, it aint because we aint done nothin' wrong" - Kris Kristofferson

"One of the things I love about CPS is the frank and enthusiastic dysfunction here. God help me, I do love it so." – OldWorldSwine

"I'd like to put a hook in that puppet and swing it through a bunch of salmon!" - durangopipe

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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by UncleBob » Wed Feb 14, 2018 4:52 pm

The last time someone came to my door to evangelize, the conversation ended with me shouting through the door, "Blow it out yer a$$, God-boy!" as they skittered off.

Not that you care.
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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by sweetandsour » Wed Feb 14, 2018 5:03 pm

I used to really enjoy knocking on doors and evangelizing. It was a thrill, akin to a rollercoaster ride, a peep show, or something similar. I wouldn't do it now, even for money, I don't think.
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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by hugodrax » Wed Feb 14, 2018 5:38 pm

I dislike door to door evangelists. God doesn't work on the Amway system and I have no desire to pay for their drinks while they look through the medicine cabinet of my soul.

Don't get me wrong, I'm never rude, but I find the intrusion unforgivably rude. I honestly think they do more to drive men away from Christ than just about anything else. If I wanted a Protestant on my doorstep, I'd have ordered one, thanks much.

I usually tell them my neighbor is a satanist.
Etiam mihi opinio anserem perirent.

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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by FredS » Wed Feb 14, 2018 6:16 pm

hugodrax wrote:
Wed Feb 14, 2018 5:38 pm
. . . I have no desire to pay for their drinks while they look through the medicine cabinet of my soul. . .
That's one of the best lines I've ever read. Is it original?
"If we ever get to heaven boys, it aint because we aint done nothin' wrong" - Kris Kristofferson

"One of the things I love about CPS is the frank and enthusiastic dysfunction here. God help me, I do love it so." – OldWorldSwine

"I'd like to put a hook in that puppet and swing it through a bunch of salmon!" - durangopipe

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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by hugodrax » Wed Feb 14, 2018 7:21 pm

FredS wrote:
Wed Feb 14, 2018 6:16 pm
hugodrax wrote:
Wed Feb 14, 2018 5:38 pm
. . . I have no desire to pay for their drinks while they look through the medicine cabinet of my soul. . .
That's one of the best lines I've ever read. Is it original?
I think so, but I've read a lot of Wodehouse.
Etiam mihi opinio anserem perirent.

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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by CodeMonkey » Wed Feb 14, 2018 8:38 pm

411 weeks from today in retirement day, not that I'm counting.
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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by durangopipe » Wed Feb 14, 2018 9:32 pm

“Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.”

Poor Freddie.
Not that you care.


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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by DepartedLight » Wed Feb 14, 2018 9:49 pm

FredS wrote:
Wed Feb 14, 2018 4:41 pm
Also, I never feel obligated to answer the door or telephone if I'm busy or simply not in the mood to be human. It drives Mrs FredS nuts, but I figure I have no obligation at all to interact with the caller or visitor. Ninety nine times out of one hundred they are the one who needs something or would benefit from my time.

Get off my lawn punk.
I have a strict no phone call answer policy at work and otherwise. If I don’t know why you are calling, I dont answer. If I wasn’t expecting you to call me right now, I dont answer. Voice mail. It’s there for a reason. If you hangup without leaving a message, the chances of you dealing with me are most slim. Did I mention that I hold your critical Hardware shipment date in hand and can make or break your job at any time I want? No? Well. Now ya know. Leave a message, dork.
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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by sweetandsour » Thu Feb 15, 2018 9:34 am

hugodrax wrote:
Wed Feb 14, 2018 5:38 pm
I dislike door to door evangelists. God doesn't work on the Amway system and I have no desire to pay for their drinks while they look through the medicine cabinet of my soul.

Don't get me wrong, I'm never rude, but I find the intrusion unforgivably rude. I honestly think they do more to drive men away from Christ than just about anything else. If I wanted a Protestant on my doorstep, I'd have ordered one, thanks much.

I usually tell them my neighbor is a satanist.
I agree with Fred, that's a great line. I wish I would have had it back then. "Hello, my name is Tim, and I just dropped by to check the medicine cabinet of your soul."
I'm old but I'm happy. (Most of the time.)

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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by TNLawPiper » Thu Feb 15, 2018 12:38 pm

CodeMonkey wrote:
Wed Feb 14, 2018 8:38 pm
411 weeks from today in retirement day, not that I'm counting.
I applaud your commitment to your job. Most folks counting down the days nearly eight years out would just move on to something they like in the meantime. :lol:

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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by Skip » Thu Feb 15, 2018 2:01 pm

I went to get my teeth cleaned this morning. The hygienist barely touched one of my metal fillings and it popped right off. Guess I was in the right place for it to happen.
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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by Skip » Thu Feb 15, 2018 3:59 pm

Our Dyson vacuum cleaner just pissed me off for the last time. I've had that thing apart a few times and done a few hundred dollars worth of repairs and parts replacement over the years, and it would've been a lot more had I not done the repairs myself. I've even had to modify the "universal replacement" parts for wiring and switch mounting. I can't believe the number of pieces of the case that have cracked and/or failed. I just ordered a Bissell. We'll see how long this one lasts.
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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by ReverendThom » Thu Feb 15, 2018 5:23 pm

Skip wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 3:59 pm
Our Dyson vacuum cleaner just pissed me off for the last time. I've had that thing apart a few times and done a few hundred dollars worth of repairs and parts replacement over the years, and it would've been a lot more had I not done the repairs myself. I've even had to modify the "universal replacement" parts for wiring and switch mounting. I can't believe the number of pieces of the case that have cracked and/or failed. I just ordered a Bissell. We'll see how long this one lasts.
Well, glad my wife didn't fully convince me last year, then.
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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by hugodrax » Thu Feb 15, 2018 5:59 pm

ReverendThom wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 5:23 pm
Skip wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 3:59 pm
Our Dyson vacuum cleaner just pissed me off for the last time. I've had that thing apart a few times and done a few hundred dollars worth of repairs and parts replacement over the years, and it would've been a lot more had I not done the repairs myself. I've even had to modify the "universal replacement" parts for wiring and switch mounting. I can't believe the number of pieces of the case that have cracked and/or failed. I just ordered a Bissell. We'll see how long this one lasts.
Well, glad my wife didn't fully convince me last year, then.
Yeah, don't. My wife was an early adopter. Near as I can tell, the reason they don't lose suction is because they don't have any suction to begin with.

In related news, while the Dyson does not actually suck as advertised, it does in fact draw a significant vacuum in other ways.
Etiam mihi opinio anserem perirent.

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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by Roadmaster » Thu Feb 15, 2018 6:20 pm

hugodrax wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 5:59 pm
ReverendThom wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 5:23 pm
Skip wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 3:59 pm
Our Dyson vacuum cleaner just pissed me off for the last time. I've had that thing apart a few times and done a few hundred dollars worth of repairs and parts replacement over the years, and it would've been a lot more had I not done the repairs myself. I've even had to modify the "universal replacement" parts for wiring and switch mounting. I can't believe the number of pieces of the case that have cracked and/or failed. I just ordered a Bissell. We'll see how long this one lasts.
Well, glad my wife didn't fully convince me last year, then.
Yeah, don't. My wife was an early adopter. Near as I can tell, the reason they don't lose suction is because they don't have any suction to begin with.

In related news, while the Dyson does not actually suck as advertised, it does in fact draw a significant vacuum in other ways.
If you have a vacuum cleaner that really sucks would that be a good thing or bad thing?
Oh Mighty Cobfather, return and smite the interlopers.

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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by FredS » Thu Feb 15, 2018 6:23 pm

Roadmaster wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 6:20 pm
hugodrax wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 5:59 pm
ReverendThom wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 5:23 pm
Skip wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 3:59 pm
Our Dyson vacuum cleaner just pissed me off for the last time. I've had that thing apart a few times and done a few hundred dollars worth of repairs and parts replacement over the years, and it would've been a lot more had I not done the repairs myself. I've even had to modify the "universal replacement" parts for wiring and switch mounting. I can't believe the number of pieces of the case that have cracked and/or failed. I just ordered a Bissell. We'll see how long this one lasts.
Well, glad my wife didn't fully convince me last year, then.
Yeah, don't. My wife was an early adopter. Near as I can tell, the reason they don't lose suction is because they don't have any suction to begin with.

In related news, while the Dyson does not actually suck as advertised, it does in fact draw a significant vacuum in other ways.
If you have a vacuum cleaner that really sucks would that be a good thing or bad thing?
There's a 'Yer Mom' joke laying there. In plain sight. And, in a rare moment of clarity and propriety, I've decided to leave it there.
"If we ever get to heaven boys, it aint because we aint done nothin' wrong" - Kris Kristofferson

"One of the things I love about CPS is the frank and enthusiastic dysfunction here. God help me, I do love it so." – OldWorldSwine

"I'd like to put a hook in that puppet and swing it through a bunch of salmon!" - durangopipe

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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by hugodrax » Thu Feb 15, 2018 6:35 pm

Roadmaster wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 6:20 pm
hugodrax wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 5:59 pm
ReverendThom wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 5:23 pm
Skip wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 3:59 pm
Our Dyson vacuum cleaner just pissed me off for the last time. I've had that thing apart a few times and done a few hundred dollars worth of repairs and parts replacement over the years, and it would've been a lot more had I not done the repairs myself. I've even had to modify the "universal replacement" parts for wiring and switch mounting. I can't believe the number of pieces of the case that have cracked and/or failed. I just ordered a Bissell. We'll see how long this one lasts.
Well, glad my wife didn't fully convince me last year, then.
Yeah, don't. My wife was an early adopter. Near as I can tell, the reason they don't lose suction is because they don't have any suction to begin with.

In related news, while the Dyson does not actually suck as advertised, it does in fact draw a significant vacuum in other ways.
If you have a vacuum cleaner that really sucks would that be a good thing or bad thing?
I do have one that really sucks because it doesn't. That's a bad thing. If it was good at what it's supposed to do, then it would be good.
Etiam mihi opinio anserem perirent.

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Roadmaster
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Re: Absolutely Useless Facts About Yourself, No One Cares About

Post by Roadmaster » Thu Feb 15, 2018 7:36 pm

FredS wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 6:23 pm
Roadmaster wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 6:20 pm
hugodrax wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 5:59 pm
ReverendThom wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 5:23 pm
Skip wrote:
Thu Feb 15, 2018 3:59 pm
Our Dyson vacuum cleaner just pissed me off for the last time. I've had that thing apart a few times and done a few hundred dollars worth of repairs and parts replacement over the years, and it would've been a lot more had I not done the repairs myself. I've even had to modify the "universal replacement" parts for wiring and switch mounting. I can't believe the number of pieces of the case that have cracked and/or failed. I just ordered a Bissell. We'll see how long this one lasts.
Well, glad my wife didn't fully convince me last year, then.
Yeah, don't. My wife was an early adopter. Near as I can tell, the reason they don't lose suction is because they don't have any suction to begin with.

In related news, while the Dyson does not actually suck as advertised, it does in fact draw a significant vacuum in other ways.
If you have a vacuum cleaner that really sucks would that be a good thing or bad thing?
There's a 'Yer Mom' joke laying there. In plain sight. And, in a rare moment of clarity and propriety, I've decided to leave it there.
Don't start going soft on me, I'm still meaner than a box of hammers from time to time.
Oh Mighty Cobfather, return and smite the interlopers.

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