Diary of a Bald Pipe Smoker

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Cleon
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Post by Cleon » Fri Dec 13, 2013 11:43 am

Rusty wrote:
Cleon wrote:What's this thread about anyway?
Sin, pipe tobacco, and pelvic theology. Oh and Bert.... mustn't forget Bert.
Pipe tobacco? What's that? :lol:

No really. I like UB's story. I'd like to hear just how he got into blending. You know he's famous for that. I'm not sure the newbs around here know of his success.

Also, did anyone ever throw up from smoking in the beginning their piping careers? I did. I smoked...of all things...1Q way too fast at a Christmas party. My buddy gifted me with an estate Kaywoodie straight Dublin, that I still have, and provided some 1Q to load it with. The ladies wouldn't "let" us smoke inside so we ventured outside where it was below freezing. I think that's why I smoked so fast. It was to get out of the cold. I think I was done with the whole bowl in around five minutes. The other guys were taking their time. I knew right away that I shouldn't have been so hasty. I politely excused myself and went straight to the nearest bathroom, which was right off the living room where all the ladies were. I'm sure they heard me heaving. I was as careful as I could be not to mess up the bathroom. To this day I'm not sure my buddies ever knew what happened. The ladies, I'm sure, did. They are nice ladies.
Last edited by Cleon on Fri Dec 13, 2013 11:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Del » Fri Dec 13, 2013 11:44 am

Rusty wrote:
Cleon wrote:What's this thread about anyway?
Sin, pipe tobacco, and pelvic theology. Oh and Bert.... mustn't forget Bert.
And Laurel & Tamara

You Tube of a visit to Uhle's and Harley Davidson.

Video starts at Harley plant. Uhle's tour starts at 3:50. Laurel & Tamara appear at 4:20. Tamara is the tour guide. Humidors galore!
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Post by Rusty » Fri Dec 13, 2013 11:46 am

Cleon wrote: No really. I like UB's story. I'd like to hear just how he got into blending. You know he's famous for that. I'm not sure the newbs around here know of his success.
I have a theory about that. Devastated by disapproval and cheating he was trying to create an aromatic woman. Shortcut to happiness.
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Post by fiddlestix » Fri Dec 13, 2013 12:05 pm

Cleon wrote: No really. I like UB's story. I'd like to hear just how he got into blending. You know he's famous for that. I'm not sure the newbs around here know of his success.
I'd like to hear more about that as well. I was just telling someone a couple of days ago that Golden Cashmere has become one of my go-to blends of late. I really didn't care for it all that much when I first sampled it, but it quickly grew on me and has become one of my favorites. I need to go try some of the others from that series.

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Post by Irish-Dane » Fri Dec 13, 2013 2:02 pm

fiddlestix wrote:
Cleon wrote: No really. I like UB's story. I'd like to hear just how he got into blending. You know he's famous for that. I'm not sure the newbs around here know of his success.
I'd like to hear more about that as well. I was just telling someone a couple of days ago that Golden Cashmere has become one of my go-to blends of late. I really didn't care for it all that much when I first sampled it, but it quickly grew on me and has become one of my favorites. I need to go try some of the others from that series.
Golden Cashmere and Shortcut are both 1Q. As the story goes.
It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. --Colton

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Post by Cleon » Fri Dec 13, 2013 2:43 pm

Irish-Dane wrote:
fiddlestix wrote:
Cleon wrote: No really. I like UB's story. I'd like to hear just how he got into blending. You know he's famous for that. I'm not sure the newbs around here know of his success.
I'd like to hear more about that as well. I was just telling someone a couple of days ago that Golden Cashmere has become one of my go-to blends of late. I really didn't care for it all that much when I first sampled it, but it quickly grew on me and has become one of my favorites. I need to go try some of the others from that series.
Golden Cashmere and Shortcut are both 1Q. As the story goes.
As told by Peter Jackson.
"Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven" - Jesus

"More people need to put their big boy britches on." - JMG

"Dang, a pipe slap." - JimVH

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Post by UncleBob » Fri Dec 13, 2013 6:02 pm

Irish-Dane wrote:See, here's the problem with using CPS as a blog UB... you can't delete moronic comments that don't add to the conversation. (And no Rusty, before your sinful panties get up in a bunch, that wasn't directed at you.)
LOL!! They don't bother me; its all in good fun (so far, at least). I look at it as flavoring for an especially stinky Balkan blend.
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"Many of the points here, taken to their logical conclusions, don't hold up to logic; they're simply Godded-up ways of saying "I don't like that." - Skip

"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." -Mark Twain

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Post by UncleBob » Fri Dec 13, 2013 6:04 pm

fiddlestix wrote:
Cleon wrote: No really. I like UB's story. I'd like to hear just how he got into blending. You know he's famous for that. I'm not sure the newbs around here know of his success.
I'd like to hear more about that as well. I was just telling someone a couple of days ago that Golden Cashmere has become one of my go-to blends of late. I really didn't care for it all that much when I first sampled it, but it quickly grew on me and has become one of my favorites. I need to go try some of the others from that series.
We'll get there eventually, Lord willing and the creek don't run too high, as the say at Bear Thicket UMC.

BTW--I'm not sure "famous" is the right word. Maybe notorious?
"One man's theology is another man's belly laugh." - Robert A. Heinlein

"Many of the points here, taken to their logical conclusions, don't hold up to logic; they're simply Godded-up ways of saying "I don't like that." - Skip

"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." -Mark Twain

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Post by UncleBob » Fri Dec 13, 2013 6:32 pm

Irish-Dane wrote:
fiddlestix wrote:
Cleon wrote: No really. I like UB's story. I'd like to hear just how he got into blending. You know he's famous for that. I'm not sure the newbs around here know of his success.
I'd like to hear more about that as well. I was just telling someone a couple of days ago that Golden Cashmere has become one of my go-to blends of late. I really didn't care for it all that much when I first sampled it, but it quickly grew on me and has become one of my favorites. I need to go try some of the others from that series.
Golden Cashmere and Shortcut are both 1Q. As the story goes.
That is just hurtful. Who was it that said something about comments that need deletion?

:taco:
"One man's theology is another man's belly laugh." - Robert A. Heinlein

"Many of the points here, taken to their logical conclusions, don't hold up to logic; they're simply Godded-up ways of saying "I don't like that." - Skip

"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." -Mark Twain

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Post by UncleBob » Fri Dec 13, 2013 7:23 pm

I started working at Just For Him 3 January 1993. I was, of course, a regular customer by then and the joke was that I had so many pipes on layaway that they hired me so I could work them off. I used to quip that I would get my weekly pay envelope, open it up, and find a note saying, "After applying your salary to your balance, you still owe us $25 for this week".

I was hired as The Director of The Tobacco Club--ah yes! I had forgotten about the Tobacco Club in those days; it certainly merits description. When I started, Just For Him had a pipe tobacco club that was similar to others from the previous years. The club had several benefits:

1. It was free and there was no expiration date.

2. Once enrolled, all tobacco purchases were recorded on a card and, when one amassed 12 lbs, they received a free pound of pipe tobacco. This could be repeated in perpetuity. We had customers that got 2-3 free pounds each year and we had customers that took 8 or more years to get a free pound.

3. Members received a quarterly newsletter.

I well remember the pile of cards that I found dumped in a cardboard box when I started that day. My job was to organize, promote, and expand enrollment into the club and the newsletter was mine to write and mail. That's right; we snail-mailed each member a newsletter with a free sample of tobacco each quarter--and they loved it! If it got lost in the mail or if it was late or if they moved and left no forwarding address they would call and chew my butt off over the phone. My first year, thanks to hard work and a location close to Branson MO, we have 1500 members all over the USA. In fact, we even had a few Canadian members.

However, we did discover a problem. Members would take the sample and throw away the newsletter without even reading it. We tried coupons like 10% off a pipe or for a free AF 8-5-8 (this is before the cigar boom and an 8-5-8 was $.65 retail) but no one would redeem them. In fact, they were often surprised to say they did not even know about them when we asked if they saw them. So I smoked on the matter and had an idea; a beautiful, crazy idea and one snowy Sunday in February '94, Erik Ashwood--Pipe Smoker! was born.

Looking back, I can now see that this was a monumental moment for me and my career at JFH. Not because of Erik Ashwood, per se, but because this is where I got my initial idea for marketing a character alongside the JFH brand. Erik became a precursor to "Uncle Bob".

Still, at the time, I thought what we needed for the newsletter was a serial, a continuing story where a character would encounter whatnot and maybe the customers would get hooked and actually read the newsletter. So I sat down and started the first story: The Adventures of Erik Ashwood--Pipe Smoker!: The Case of the Prince's Purloined Pipe (Part 1).

This first story was broken into five parts and it was a big success. Regular customers would come in, buy a pipe and/or some tobacco, and sit around discussing what happened in the last issue and what they thought would happen next. I included products that we sold in the story line and some customers would come in asking for that brand of cigar, pipe, or pipe tobacco. When I introduced Erik's sidekick in the 2nd installment he was smoking a Stanwell Majestic bent bulldog (seen HERE, Shape 188 ), we had around 30 special orders for it.

I would, of course, deny knowing what would happen next in the narrative because I had not yet spoken to Erik to find out. Even though they didn't believe it, some would claim to see him around town doing this or that and once I incorporated one of these claims in the story to encourage this kind of banter.

In short, Erik Ashwood--Pipe Smoker! was a success but it was not meant to continue for long because one day I heard about something new that was really a boon for the businesses that could afford to trade in it: The Internet. Erik soon faded as I started to craft a new character named "Uncle Bob".

UncleBob

Written while smoking Lane Black Raspberry in a Ser Jacapo S2 Maxima Maxima.
"One man's theology is another man's belly laugh." - Robert A. Heinlein

"Many of the points here, taken to their logical conclusions, don't hold up to logic; they're simply Godded-up ways of saying "I don't like that." - Skip

"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." -Mark Twain

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Post by Del » Fri Dec 13, 2013 7:36 pm

Uncle Bob taught me how to pack my pipe:

http://justforhim.com/catalog/index.php ... page&id=22

But I still don't get how a pipe is really just a filter.
"Utter frogshit from start to finish." - Onyx

"I shall not wear a crown of gold where my Master wore a crown of thorns." - Godfrey de Bouillon

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Post by Irish-Dane » Fri Dec 13, 2013 7:37 pm

UncleBob wrote:
Irish-Dane wrote:
fiddlestix wrote:
Cleon wrote: No really. I like UB's story. I'd like to hear just how he got into blending. You know he's famous for that. I'm not sure the newbs around here know of his success.
I'd like to hear more about that as well. I was just telling someone a couple of days ago that Golden Cashmere has become one of my go-to blends of late. I really didn't care for it all that much when I first sampled it, but it quickly grew on me and has become one of my favorites. I need to go try some of the others from that series.
Golden Cashmere and Shortcut are both 1Q. As the story goes.
That is just hurtful. Who was it that said something about comments that need deletion?

:taco:
See?! :lol: :lol: :lol:
It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. --Colton

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Post by Irish-Dane » Fri Dec 13, 2013 7:45 pm

Where can we get our hands on Erik Ashwood's five part story???
It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. --Colton

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Post by UncleBob » Fri Dec 13, 2013 7:50 pm

Irish-Dane wrote:Where can we get our hands on Erik Ashwood's five part story???
I doubt it is online. I would have to go to the journals.
"One man's theology is another man's belly laugh." - Robert A. Heinlein

"Many of the points here, taken to their logical conclusions, don't hold up to logic; they're simply Godded-up ways of saying "I don't like that." - Skip

"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." -Mark Twain

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Post by Irish-Dane » Fri Dec 13, 2013 7:52 pm

UncleBob wrote:
Irish-Dane wrote:Where can we get our hands on Erik Ashwood's five part story???
I doubt it is online. I would have to go to the journals.
Why are you still here? Get to journal hunting.




We'll wait.
It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. --Colton

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Post by UncleBob » Fri Dec 13, 2013 7:53 pm

Irish-Dane wrote:
UncleBob wrote:
Irish-Dane wrote:Where can we get our hands on Erik Ashwood's five part story???
I doubt it is online. I would have to go to the journals.
Why are you still here? Get to journal hunting.




We'll wait.
HA! It wasn't that good. Remember that this was pre-LOLcats!
"One man's theology is another man's belly laugh." - Robert A. Heinlein

"Many of the points here, taken to their logical conclusions, don't hold up to logic; they're simply Godded-up ways of saying "I don't like that." - Skip

"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." -Mark Twain

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Post by Irish-Dane » Fri Dec 13, 2013 8:00 pm

UncleBob wrote:
Irish-Dane wrote:
UncleBob wrote:
Irish-Dane wrote:Where can we get our hands on Erik Ashwood's five part story???
I doubt it is online. I would have to go to the journals.
Why are you still here? Get to journal hunting.




We'll wait.
HA! It wasn't that good. Remember that this was pre-LOLcats!
Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeezzee
It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. --Colton

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Post by Ethell » Fri Dec 13, 2013 8:12 pm

Irish-Dane wrote:
UncleBob wrote:
Irish-Dane wrote:
UncleBob wrote:
Irish-Dane wrote:Where can we get our hands on Erik Ashwood's five part story???
I doubt it is online. I would have to go to the journals.
Why are you still here? Get to journal hunting.




We'll wait.
HA! It wasn't that good. Remember that this was pre-LOLcats!
Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeezzee
Pretty please with sugar on top!

And a cherry?

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Post by Rusty » Fri Dec 13, 2013 8:49 pm

UncleBob wrote:I started working at Just For Him 3 January 1993. I was, of course, a regular customer by then and the joke was that I had so many pipes on layaway that they hired me so I could work them off. I used to quip that I would get my weekly pay envelope, open it up, and find a note saying, "After applying your salary to your balance, you still owe us $25 for this week".

I was hired as The Director of The Tobacco Club--ah yes! I had forgotten about the Tobacco Club in those days; it certainly merits description. When I started, Just For Him had a pipe tobacco club that was similar to others from the previous years. The club had several benefits:

1. It was free and there was no expiration date.

2. Once enrolled, all tobacco purchases were recorded on a card and, when one amassed 12 lbs, they received a free pound of pipe tobacco. This could be repeated in perpetuity. We had customers that got 2-3 free pounds each year and we had customers that took 8 or more years to get a free pound.

3. Members received a quarterly newsletter.

I well remember the pile of cards that I found dumped in a cardboard box when I started that day. My job was to organize, promote, and expand enrollment into the club and the newsletter was mine to write and mail. That's right; we snail-mailed each member a newsletter with a free sample of tobacco each quarter--and they loved it! If it got lost in the mail or if it was late or if they moved and left no forwarding address they would call and chew my butt off over the phone. My first year, thanks to hard work and a location close to Branson MO, we have 1500 members all over the USA. In fact, we even had a few Canadian members.

However, we did discover a problem. Members would take the sample and throw away the newsletter without even reading it. We tried coupons like 10% off a pipe or for a free AF 8-5-8 (this is before the cigar boom and an 8-5-8 was $.65 retail) but no one would redeem them. In fact, they were often surprised to say they did not even know about them when we asked if they saw them. So I smoked on the matter and had an idea; a beautiful, crazy idea and one snowy Sunday in February '94, Erik Ashwood--Pipe Smoker! was born.

Looking back, I can now see that this was a monumental moment for me and my career at JFH. Not because of Erik Ashwood, per se, but because this is where I got my initial idea for marketing a character alongside the JFH brand. Erik became a precursor to "Uncle Bob".

Still, at the time, I thought what we needed for the newsletter was a serial, a continuing story where a character would encounter whatnot and maybe the customers would get hooked and actually read the newsletter. So I sat down and started the first story: The Adventures of Erik Ashwood--Pipe Smoker!: The Case of the Prince's Purloined Pipe (Part 1).

This first story was broken into five parts and it was a big success. Regular customers would come in, buy a pipe and/or some tobacco, and sit around discussing what happened in the last issue and what they thought would happen next. I included products that we sold in the story line and some customers would come in asking for that brand of cigar, pipe, or pipe tobacco. When I introduced Erik's sidekick in the 2nd installment he was smoking a Stanwell Majestic bent bulldog (seen HERE, Shape 188 ), we had around 30 special orders for it.

I would, of course, deny knowing what would happen next in the narrative because I had not yet spoken to Erik to find out. Even though they didn't believe it, some would claim to see him around town doing this or that and once I incorporated one of these claims in the story to encourage this kind of banter.

In short, Erik Ashwood--Pipe Smoker! was a success but it was not meant to continue for long because one day I heard about something new that was really a boon for the businesses that could afford to trade in it: The Internet. Erik soon faded as I started to craft a new character named "Uncle Bob".

UncleBob

Written while smoking Lane Black Raspberry in a Ser Jacapo S2 Maxima Maxima.
Ok now this is getting very good. Apologies for picking on you. :oops:

We need you to reproduce some of the Eric story newsletters in this thread. Surely you have them? We won't throw them away... promise.
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You're out of the dark
You're out of the night
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Post by Roadmaster » Fri Dec 13, 2013 9:21 pm

Irish-Dane wrote:moronic comments that don't add to the conversation
May I suggest this as a 2014 CPS Awards Catagory?

This I would stand a good chance to win.

Now back to you regularly scheduled thread.

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