Family struggles

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infidel
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Re: Family struggles

Post by infidel » Tue Jun 27, 2017 1:25 pm

Jared wrote:
Tue Jun 27, 2017 1:03 pm
Infidel that I fear is the majority of the situation. Combine that with what I believe is jealousy on the part of sister in law. I'm in the process of locating a counselor but the financial situation is a hinderence. I also not sure if she'd be willing to go to Christian counseling becuase of her sister and her fears that they'll "take my side being the man". She has stated in the past that she'll go but I need to essentially do the leg work and that she wants an afternoon apointment.
I don't have much advice here. Depending on your health insurance situation you may have something like an "EAP" (employee assistance program) available which allows you to get a certain number of in-network counseling sessions for free or low copay. They may assign you a counselor or have a list to pick from. That might be a way to get in the door without it seeming like you picked someone to be on your side. Another option is to get a list of referrals from friends, coworkers, church men's group, etc and have your wife pick from the list. For whatever reason she seems to trust her sister's advice and the sister seems to think she is part of the marriage. Jealous SIL is going to be toxic whether she lives with you or not, so taking steps to assure your wife the counselor is "neutral territory" is important in building a level of shared decision making with her. Your wife needs to remember she's on your team not her sister's team. She needs to decide things like vacations or travel or evicting the mooches with you and not with them. I don't pretend to know how to encourage that, you really need the local in-person help.
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Re: Family struggles

Post by Fainn » Tue Jun 27, 2017 9:44 pm

That's harsh what you're going through. Wish I could be of help.
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Onyx
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Re: Family struggles

Post by Onyx » Wed Jun 28, 2017 1:11 am

Jared wrote:
Tue Jun 27, 2017 1:03 pm
Infidel that I fear is the majority of the situation. Combine that with what I believe is jealousy on the part of sister in law. I'm in the process of locating a counselor but the financial situation is a hinderence. I also not sure if she'd be willing to go to Christian counseling becuase of her sister and her fears that they'll "take my side being the man". She has stated in the past that she'll go but I need to essentially do the leg work and that she wants an afternoon apointment.
Even a non-Christian counselor will see through this situation pretty clearly. It's probably true that a Christian counselor is more likely to think in terms of the man being head of his house. But any counselor will see the necessity of a husband and wife being allowed to live without the in-laws hanging on.

Sorry for imposing on the prayer request thread. I wish you all the best to get through this and regain your mojo.
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Re: Family struggles

Post by Bloodhound » Thu Jun 29, 2017 7:57 am

Will continue to pray for this situation
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Re: Family struggles

Post by Thoth » Thu Jun 29, 2017 8:19 am

Praying.
"Go and reconcile with him who has trespassed against you before he comes and apologises to you and steals your crown" - H.H. Pope Cyril VI<br><br>"O Lord I was not aware of the treasure within me that is You" - H.H. Pope Shenouda III

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Jared
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Re: Family struggles

Post by Jared » Fri Jun 30, 2017 2:21 pm

Right now, other than financial support, the best way to help is prayer.
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Re: Family struggles

Post by FredS » Fri Jun 30, 2017 3:03 pm

You have to take an active role in fixing this mess Jared. How, exactly, do you suppose God will go about fixing this? God certainly could answer our prayers and convince your inlaws to all of a sudden become responsible and find their own place and allow your family to return to normalcy. But He may also need to work on this through YOU. He may be prompting YOU to do the things that need doing. Sitting by with your hands folded in your lap signals everyone - God, your wife, your children, your inlaws, your friends on CPS - that you're not willing to do the difficult things that may be required to improve this situation. Do you care? What's it worth to you?
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Jared
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Re: Family struggles

Post by Jared » Mon Jul 31, 2017 1:06 pm

Well, the church thing didn't work out. They never called. Right now seeing what options I have through work's assitance program. I also found out that, supposedly, my BIL has a job working with a petroleum company and will be gone for weeks at a time so I have the feeling that'she'll going to increase tensions in the house. Just keep praying.
I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in. George Washinton Carver

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Re: Family struggles

Post by wosbald » Mon Jul 31, 2017 1:50 pm

+JMJ+
Jared wrote:
Mon Jul 31, 2017 1:06 pm
Just keep praying.
You got it.




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Re: Family struggles

Post by Jocose » Mon Jul 31, 2017 8:49 pm

Praying
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS



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Re: Family struggles

Post by Bloodhound » Tue Aug 01, 2017 8:35 am

Praying for God to give you direction
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Re: Family struggles

Post by JimVH » Tue Aug 01, 2017 8:42 am

Bloodhound wrote:
Tue Aug 01, 2017 8:35 am
Praying for God to give you direction

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Re: Family struggles

Post by Goose55 » Tue Aug 01, 2017 11:59 am

Jared wrote:
Mon Jul 31, 2017 1:06 pm
Well, the church thing didn't work out. They never called. Right now seeing what options I have through work's assitance program. I also found out that, supposedly, my BIL has a job working with a petroleum company and will be gone for weeks at a time so I have the feeling that'she'll going to increase tensions in the house. Just keep praying.
Haven't forgotten this situation since I read your first post.
"At present we're on the wrong side of the door. But all the pages of the New Testament are rustling with the rumor that it will not always be so." ~ C.S. Lewis

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Jared
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Re: Family struggles

Post by Jared » Fri Jul 20, 2018 1:45 pm

As the family saga continues I'm more and more convinced that I'm being seen as nothing more than and servant and paycheck. On the good news side my wife's brother and and his wife have moved out of my other in law's house. They apparently felt they needed a bigger place as she is pregnant with their fourth child. This, however pales in comparison now due to the fact that the sister in law that has lived with us now for the last 3.5 years has now become pregnant. As I have said above I feel more and more that I no longer matter. I would dearly love to sit the wife down and tell her all of this and the drama but, she is always quick to defend her family over me no matter how great the cost. I have also been doing research into domestic abuse and from what I gathered, while not glaringly obvious, either my sister in law and/or my wife are in ways abusing me. Problem is o don't know how to go about reporting it and being believe as the signs and evidence are subtle. Mainly, my sister in law controlling the finances and always questioning me as to my spending habits. Especially when it comes to buying weekly groceries. On top of that I'm limited to buying what I need for my meals for the week as well as stuff for the boys and what I plan on cooking while she spends upwards of 300 on their stuff which consists of very little (from what I've seen) healthy stuff that she cooks while I'm at work if she cooks. I go out once a week as per the wife and i's agreement with no more than 15 for lunch (usually 10 or less) and there have been weeks I've come home and they been out to eat multiple times despite being told that we don't have any money and always with the excuse of someone else bought. The sister in law has even gone as far as blocking my access to the wife and i's joint account by changing the password and only telling me once I asked for it. I'm afraid of the unknown of divorce as well as how nasty the custody battle will be.
I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in. George Washinton Carver

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Re: Family struggles

Post by MrPiper » Fri Jul 20, 2018 7:13 pm

Praying for wisdom for you in accordance with the book of James. God gives liberally to all who seek His wisdom and does not hold back.

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Re: Family struggles

Post by Thoth » Fri Jul 20, 2018 7:49 pm

Praying
"Go and reconcile with him who has trespassed against you before he comes and apologises to you and steals your crown" - H.H. Pope Cyril VI<br><br>"O Lord I was not aware of the treasure within me that is You" - H.H. Pope Shenouda III

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Re: Family struggles

Post by John-Boy » Sat Jul 21, 2018 1:05 pm

Thoth wrote:
Fri Jul 20, 2018 7:49 pm
Praying
Praying - coco
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Re: Family struggles

Post by Jocose » Sat Jul 21, 2018 6:33 pm

Renewed prayers
"And for Freds sake, DO NOT point anyone towards CPS or you'll put them off of both Christianity and pipe smoking forever." ~ FredS



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