OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by Jocose » Sun Nov 15, 2015 8:48 pm

Best thread of 2015.

:taco:
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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by Hovannes » Sun Nov 15, 2015 8:57 pm

Thunktank wrote:It's over here too! 8O

Just posted this over in the other thread that started this conversation:

"Good gods, I never thought anyone would care about my oak table! I'm a Druid, remember? Oak trees are best left in the forest. But since this one came upon my home prior to my Druidish enlightenment I feel compelled to hide the reminder that such a magnificent oak has been murdered to make a table. Hence the use of paint. :chili:"

Regardless, I hope this scandal helps to further Druid rights and freedoms.
The oak was not murdered, merely embarked on it's life's journey and you, YOU want to hide it's inherent oak-ness under paint?
You deem to convert your oak deity into a trans-finished mutant table no doubt named Kaitlyn?
For shame! For shame! :no:

But do what you want.
"What doesn't kill you, gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor."

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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by JudgeRusty » Sun Nov 15, 2015 9:13 pm

coco wrote:Judge, I submit to you the following evidence, from AUFAYNOCA, which is a matter of public record:
Thunktank wrote:...It was my idea to paint the table, not hers....
In closing, I would like to remind Your Honor of a judgment made in a similar case:
Pink Floyd wrote:The evidence before the court is incontrovertible, there's no need for the jury to retire! In all my years of judging, I have never heard before some one more deserving of the full penalty of law!
Perhaps this matter would best be resolved in mediation. While a court might be afforded only limited remedies, mediation offers many options.

e.g. The yet unadulterated table could be placed in a home where it could receive proper care and attention which would be in its best interest, and Thunk could receive a suitable replacement, maybe something in formica to better suit his tastes.
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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by UncleBob » Sun Nov 15, 2015 9:29 pm

*BREAKING NEWS*

Thunktank, 44 Druid (reformed) and paint fetishist, has admitted that the idea was his to paint the brave, oak table. Sources close to Thunktank had speculated that the idea was forced upon him by his wife of 16 years.

"He's a Druid, for Buddha's sake," said Skip, a three-time winner of the CPS Most Likely to Be Found Without Pants and owner of one heluva camera. "Everyone knows that he doesn't wear the pants in his family, if you know what I mean. Son, you smellin' what I'm a cookin', here?"

"I don't buy it.", said bilder, a known camo-wearing self-described Constitutional Republican. "It's like having a personal server with no classified emails on it just waitin' for some crag rangoon-munchin' Chinese hacker to read 'em."

Others are not so sure.

"Well, Hillary doesn't believe him so I do, right?" intoned Jeb Bush, GOP Presidential candidate (I guess) and well known cat fancier. "It's not like any position I take now is going to hurt me. Really, Iowa? 1%?"

Stay tuned for further updates as they transpire.

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File Photo of what the brave, oak table may look like.
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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by Thunktank » Sun Nov 15, 2015 10:06 pm

:lol:
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” -Yoda

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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by Skip » Sun Nov 15, 2015 10:13 pm

Thunktank wrote::lol:
Thread of the mother-lovin' year.
2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017 Winner of the CPS Award: "Most Likely to be Found Without Pants at Any Given Moment"

2017 Curmudgeon of the Year

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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by coco » Mon Nov 16, 2015 9:00 am

Copied over from AUF:
FredS wrote:
coco wrote:As a woodworker, I generally cringe at the idea of painting nice hardwoods. Perhaps stripping and staining a different color might be an option. Still, you need to make your wife happy, which is of greater importance than oak.
The old FredS is laughing at you people. It's simply a wood table after all. That FredS once laughed at the artisan pipe makers who blogged about 'letting the briar speak', or 'being guided by the briar'. C'mon man! It's a chunk of wood. A dead tree. Carve it, paint it, burn it. Do whatever the hell you want with it because it's JUST A CHUNK OF WOOD.

Then FredS 2.0 got to help finish Dad's Pipe. I've never been more nervous to hold an object in my life. Afraid I would ruin it. It was more than simply a chunk of wood.

[EDIT:] But I'm still laughing at you people. Paint that sumbitch orange with pink polka dots if you want to Thunk. It's your table.
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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by coco » Mon Nov 16, 2015 9:02 am

Copied over from AUF:
JimVH wrote:
FredS wrote: [EDIT:] But I'm still laughing at you people. Paint that sumbitch orange with pink polka dots if you want to Thunk. It's your table.
I agree with Fred. Oak is a renewable resource. Have your way with it.

But... The thing that makes me cautious about painting over hardwoods is cost. Oak was a lot cheaper when they built older, solid furniture. If there's ever a chance of wanting the grain back, think hard before making the change. Paint gets deep into oak grain. It could be a real challenge to recover or real expensive to replace.
And
FredS wrote:...My house has non-painted hardwood trim throughout. Everyone thinks it's oak, but most of it is really ash. Every 4 or 5 years, Mrs FredS will get the idea that she wants to paint some of it. I'm a pretty tolerant guy when it comes to how she decorates her nest, but I also worked at rehabbing old homes during my Bob Villa phase in the 80's, so I and understand how much work it is to uncover wood that's been painted over, and - so far - I've won those battles.
Yer welcome.
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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by Cleon » Mon Nov 16, 2015 9:04 am

This thread needs a poll.
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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by TNLawPiper » Mon Nov 16, 2015 9:14 am

I feel a great disturbance in the forest, as if millions of old-growth trees suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly painted. I feel something terrible has happened.

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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by FredS » Mon Nov 16, 2015 9:14 am

Thanks coco. I was away for a few days and I didn't realize the gravity of the oakgate situation demanded it's own thread.

Have we discussed the Protestant predilection for painting hardwood tables and the Catholic desire to leave them alone because of Tradition? The Orthodox, meanwhile, simply use different colored tablecloths while leaving the essence of the table unchanged.
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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by Hovannes » Mon Nov 16, 2015 9:21 am

A coat of paint is a table's equivalent of wearing a burka. Just sayin'
"What doesn't kill you, gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor."

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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by UncleBob » Mon Nov 16, 2015 4:02 pm

*BREAKING NEWS*

Thunktank, Druid (Reformed) and voted "Most Likely to Have Hemorrhoids Wished Upon Him" by People magazine, has painted tables before. CPSNN has discovered a witness to Thunktank's earliest perfidious activity:

"Well, it was a plywood table in the art room," intoned Mabel Tuttle, 79, retired elementary school teacher, and avid collector of sweaters depicting Dachshunds. "He just dumped the water color's rinsing water on the table. If that table had not been destroyed during an impromptu wrestling match between "Rowdy" Roddy Piper and Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka in 1994, that stain would still there today, I am sure."

When asked why he would do such a heinous act, Tuttle said, "Oh, you know I think the first time was an accident, really. But he seemed to get a real taste for it. He was always spilling that paint-water all over that table. Then, he would just laugh, or giggle, or swing his legs in glee. We just didn't know then the monster he would become. It gives me chills just thinking about it; like when Ben Carson blinks those reptoid eye lids of his."

The full transcript of our interview with Miss Tuttle will be released soon. Further updates as they transpire.
"One man's theology is another man's belly laugh." - Robert A. Heinlein

"Many of the points here, taken to their logical conclusions, don't hold up to logic; they're simply Godded-up ways of saying "I don't like that." - Skip

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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by Hovannes » Mon Nov 16, 2015 6:23 pm

Once, long ago my dear older sister when berserk refinishing what few pieces of solid oak furniture we had that once belonged to our sainted grandmother. A kitchen table, a gramophone table,
and a mirror( frame.)
First she painted them turquoise, A few years later they got repainted white with antique gold speckels.
I inherited these pieces.
After much painful work the mirror and the tables are now the golden oak God ment for meant for them to be, but I wouldn't wish that job on anybody! She also worked her magic on a piano. I can't bear to look at it much less comprehend the job that awaits. :headwall:
I can still finda tiny fleck or two of turquoise in the grain. :twisted:
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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by Thunktank » Mon Nov 16, 2015 9:21 pm

CPS has been known to help me change my mind and perspective about things. It has also introduced me to mug and brush shaving, wine savers (thanks Skip!), TheImpudent spell corrections, Reformed Druidry and now a deeper appreciation for very old solid oak tables. I have reconsidered my plan to paint said table and will instead refinish it to show off the natural color and grain. Thank you.
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” -Yoda

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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by John-Boy » Mon Nov 16, 2015 9:57 pm

Yay

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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by Onyx » Mon Nov 16, 2015 10:24 pm

In support of Thunk, I also will not paint my Stratovarius violin.

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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by Jocose » Mon Nov 16, 2015 10:26 pm

Onyx wrote:In support of Thunk, I also will not paint my Stratovarius violin.
:pho:
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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by SockPuppeh » Mon Nov 16, 2015 10:56 pm

en supoart uv thunk ai wil nawt whiddle awn fredsz wud trim even do it iz oanlee u chunk uv wud

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Re: OAKGATE: CPS IN CRISIS

Post by UncleBob » Mon Nov 16, 2015 11:28 pm

VICTORY

The brave, oak table will live on without the devilish restriction of paint.

Today, Thunktank, previously decried by Grumpy Cat as "The poopiest poopy-face in the cat box", has declared that he will not paint the oak table that has captured the hearts and minds of a nation and a world. Reactions were overwhelmingly euphoric as texts and tweets of support and congratulations have poured in from all over the Intertubes.

"Hot damn!", exclaimed TNLawPiper, 31 local barrister and closeted cOBunist. "I finally won one! Hey ma! We are hittin' the DQ tonight! Blizzards are on me! Well, small Blizzards.. let's not go nuts here."

Not all reactions were supportive, however.

"Quitter," said Vladamir Putin, Russian despot and all-around eschewer of shirts. "With that kind of attitude, I would have given back the Crimea long ago..er.. I mean those rebels of which I have no knowledge would have given Crimea back long ago."

A. Morley, 32 OTC burley aficionado and grumpy man extraordinaire, added, "I disapprove."

So where do we go from here? Will that brave, oak table write a book about its experience to be placed on it? Will Thunktank be nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize? Only time will tell.

Further updates as they occur.

This is CPSNN.
Last edited by UncleBob on Mon Nov 16, 2015 11:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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"Many of the points here, taken to their logical conclusions, don't hold up to logic; they're simply Godded-up ways of saying "I don't like that." - Skip

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