2019 Calandar

The part of the church where the silliest things happen. Conversations that sound like they belong in the youth room will be moved here.
Post Reply
User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Mon Mar 04, 2019 2:45 pm

The woman who was hit by a car felt very tired the next day.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Mon Mar 04, 2019 2:46 pm

What's the best way to catch a fish?

Have someone throw it to you.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Mon Mar 04, 2019 2:47 pm

I used to search for shellfish at the beach, until one day, when I pulled a mussel.

User avatar
JimVH
Eddie and Alex's brother
Eddie and Alex's brother
Posts: 24211
Joined: Sun May 18, 2008 6:00 pm
Location: I wasn't born in Texas, but I got here as soon as I could.
Contact:

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by JimVH » Mon Mar 04, 2019 3:38 pm

Winton wrote:
Mon Mar 04, 2019 2:47 pm
I used to search for shellfish at the beach, until one day, when I pulled a mussel.
This one deserves acknowledgment.
"The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days." Ray Wylie Hubbard

"The easiest way to digest success is through gratitude." Matthew McConaughey

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Sat Mar 09, 2019 6:14 pm

What kind of hair do oceans have?

Wavy.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Sat Mar 09, 2019 6:15 pm

I have a joke about construction, but I'm still working on it.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Sat Mar 09, 2019 6:15 pm

Why do kangaroos love koalas?

Because they have many fine koala-ties!

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Sat Mar 09, 2019 6:16 pm

What vegetable needs a plumber?

A Leek.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Sat Mar 09, 2019 6:16 pm

The swordfish is the best dressed fish. It always looks sharp.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Fri Mar 15, 2019 4:58 am

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

It was feeling crummy!

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Fri Mar 15, 2019 4:59 am

An officer pulled me over for driving in circles. I was just going for a little spin.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Fri Mar 15, 2019 5:00 am

What's musical and handy in a supermarket?

A Chopin Liszt.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Fri Mar 15, 2019 5:00 am

Bells are really obedient objects. They sound off only when they are tolled.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Fri Mar 15, 2019 5:01 am

I tried to make a joke about Julius Caesar, but it was all over the place. I guess you could say the joke was roamin'.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Tue Mar 19, 2019 7:19 am

Why did the lumberjack go to the bank?

He wanted to open a shavings account.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Tue Mar 19, 2019 7:19 am

Where do mermaids go to see movies?

The dive-in.

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Tue Mar 19, 2019 7:20 am

Einstein finally developed a theory about space. It was about time too!

User avatar
durangopipe
Under-secretary to the Minister of Pipe Breaking
Under-secretary to the Minister of Pipe Breaking
Posts: 7426
Joined: Wed Jan 20, 2016 3:58 pm
Location: Southwest Colorado

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by durangopipe » Tue Mar 19, 2019 7:36 am

Winton wrote:
Tue Mar 19, 2019 7:20 am
Einstein finally developed a theory about space. It was about time too!
This relatively funny.
. . . be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

The most improper job of any man, even saints, is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity.. J.R.R. Tolkien

2017 Morley - Outstanding BRATASS of the Year

smokadoro
Tribe Member
Tribe Member
Posts: 144
Joined: Mon Mar 18, 2019 5:33 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by smokadoro » Wed Mar 20, 2019 9:47 pm

One of my favorite threads! Used several already with the kids and coworkers.
Do not say "I agree," "I disagree" or "I suspend judgment" until you can say "I understand." ~Mortimer Adler

User avatar
Winton
Minister of Dad Jokes
Minister of Dad Jokes
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:23 pm

Re: 2019 Calandar

Post by Winton » Thu Mar 21, 2019 5:42 am

What's black, white and read all over?

A newspaper.

Post Reply